The Zari Show: A Must Watch Documentary About Being Local

By • Apr 12th, 2012 • Category: Entertainment, Reviews

If you are the sort of person with the time and brain cells to waste, you may have wondered over the last week, “Who is this Zari?” Or you may have asked, “What is this Zari?” You probably mused, “Why the hell is this Zari here in the public consciousness in the first place?”

Her reality TV show, Zari The Boss Lady, answered all but the last question. That one is a riddle for the ages and may never be satisfactorily solved.

The show begins with the sort of tacky blinged words that we used to see in those cheap Master P No Limit albums back when most of you were too young. If you have been influenced by hip hop culture, which destroys morals and corrupts the youth, then you probably saw Zari’s name done up by some cheap geek in diamondish pixels and thought, “Not tacky and vulgar at all.”

Alternatively, you vomited a little bit in your mouth.

The title has her name, has her pouting behind the words and has the subtitle, “The Boss Lady”, and the three letters T.B.L. filling up the space left after “Lady”. We soon understand that TBL stands for This Broad is LOCAL! as she does thing after thing after thing to show us what an illmannered and poorly bred brat she really is.

 

Me, me, me! Me! Me me, I, me!

Let’s start with the office scene. She wants to show that she is a businesswoman. She does this by leading a camera into her office at Brooklyn City College. It is in Pretoria and has a branch in Johannesberg, but none in Brooklyn City.

Because there is no city called Brooklyn.
Zari has her staff sitting around her desk in a cramped office whose door is labelled “C.E.O’s” and they squeeze and jostle and are filmed illustrating to us that Zari is their boss.

The overall impression is what you would expect from watching some chick in a tiny office getting her ass patiently kissed by people who know they are too good for this.

It is up to Jonathan, a camp white South African, to rescue the scene from complete boredom, as she orders him around, sending him back and forth for clothes. He is her houseboy. We have an interview section where he complains.

You know how in reality TV shows they have one person being mean and their victim complaining? Yes, that happened here.

It was so obviously set up just to make this show look like those Reality TV shows of those of E! that it made WWE wrestling look as
real as BBC World News in comparison.

I not only crave, but feel deserve attention, so bring it

Look, I wanted to think that Zari was actually a normal human being who just had a bit of bampaane. I wanted to think that she wasn’t just a bad joke in spite of all her media-baiting shenanigans. I wanted to think she was not an asshole.

But she is, bambi. She is one of those people who suck.

And it was evident in spite of the contrived and staged scenes. Like when she was driving a minivan full of hers and other people’s children. Her hand was turning the steering wheel of a car and, there, for all of us to see, was a mobile phone in her hand. Was she driving while texting? Fucking idiots do that a lot. They think that the people who have accidents and kill kids after texting while driving only do that because they want.
Now, some of you people reading this probably also drive and text. I have the utmost respect and love for our readers, but the truth is texting while driving is a thing for jerks and you will kill someone.

They reached their destination, mercifully without ramming their cargo of toddlers into a bus because Zari was too distracted punching in lols and smileys to watch the road. Then she opened the door and cast the rubbish she had been eating onto the ground.

Zari is a litter bug.

Have you seen any part of Kampala and thought to yourself, this place is filthy! It’s full of rubbish!

Yeah, it’s like that because of people like Zari, man.

 

The show closes with her and her friends planning a party or something. If you ever hear of people planning kids’ parties and wish you could eavesdrop, this is going to be rivetting to you. If you don’t care about parties you are not invited to that don’t involve beer, you are going to come to the conclusion that you just wasted half an hour of Umeme.

Boss Lady, my ass. Just a pampered, spoilt, ill-bred brat who needs to get over herself.

Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • Rich

    Texting while driving… Thank you!!! Why do people think this is okay? Texts from people who are NOT driving are barely coherent sometimes but some people must think they are multi-tasking superheroes!!!

    Secondly:

    “She does this by leading a camera into her office at Brooklyn City
    College. It is in Pretoria and has a branch in Johannesberg, but none in
    Brooklyn City.
    Because there is no city called Brooklyn.”

    That has me literally in tears and I’m gonna be laughing about it for weeks to come.

    This was really funny.

  • Me

    Its always easy to rant and comment about personality, and bloggers have turned it into big business, but as you sit on ur couch eating chips and soda from yesterday, give the lady some kudos, with all her village, she is living her life. 

  • Sempebwaisaac

    couldn’t agree more

  • rose denmark

    i think peopl hate this girl because of what she has managed to achieve at her age. some people are jelousy they dont want 2 accept that she is succeful. any way jelousy girls should learn to suck more dick

    • Midu Midu

      A person or people are jealous of others, NOT JEALOUSY! 

      • Lwantale

        tell her :) she cant even spell 4 starters

    • Embrear120

      She has nothing. Her man is a mudagala (local medicine man) in South Africa and he z a fraudstar…. earn From Mike Ezra’s stories….

    • jackie

      DEAR AUTHOR OF THIS ARTICLE:
      It is terribly unfair to be so mean and dismissive of a human being [ZARI] as this article illustrates.
      Its interesting you say: ‘if one is the sort of person who has time & brain cells to waste…’ on anyone who is interested in knowing who ZARI is… YET YOU TAKE OUT QUITE A LOT OF TIME TO DRAFT YOUR THESIS ON ZARI?!!
      What does that make you – writing on someone who you suggest only people who want to waste time or brain cells may be interested in?
      In so stating, you have given those with many ‘brain cells’ a synopsis of not just how little and worthless you may be, but more unfortunately, how little you think of yourself! Surely you will concede that it takes only a BULLY to beat up another person so badly… all in the name of reporting…
      Note: Negative energy DOES NOT BREED SUCCESS* It only makes you uglier***

  • Lanzileah

    Truth is Zari’s show sucks. If Kim Kardashian and her sisters suck, how about, what’s her name again?? I am sure Baz has nothing to lose or gain writing about the most unneeded interference to National TV.

    • Rhwny

      if baz waz paid to drive the numbers up on TLB’s show, am sure they’ve got their money’s worth… But what a pity the woman has no manners whatsoever … Littering n texting while driving are as bad a vices can get…I must watch the next show!

  • Michkisto

    hmmm from all this i wanna watch this unfortunately am not in ug. cld b interesting though

  • miria

    cant hold back but, if true kyaba too match ………

  • http://www.facebook.com/nsenene Kakuru Martin Lamar

    but but but but but but but but its’s on UT…V…..oh sori UBC
     

  • Bazaaanya ;)

    … Wama, webale. May I request that you also listen to, and review, her album? :)

  • Ddavinia

    Never original she watched snoop dogs fatherhood copied all that is was hence the name boss lady.why doesnt she put her show in south africa?i mean sa airwaves cz its craaaaaaap

  • Dereck

     when you are constantly seeking the spot light, you are unconsciously inviting the public in your life..and believe  me they will torch you for it. Baz you had me at the first paragraph

  • Nana

    Maybe it’s all a big joke and at the end of it all, Ashton Kutcher will jump out of nowhere screaming “You’ve just been punked” and everyone in UG will start hugging and “OMG Ashton, I can’t believe it!!”-ing and…nah, it’s probably just Zari being Zari…

  • Hate haterzz

    Most of you who talk bad about Zari are broke asses, learn from her, broke ass stupid , she is rich what about you ,
    Stupid haterzzzzz

    • Lwantale

      LOL!!! and ,U?
      r u her paid PRO? cos if u are, no surprises there..