Uncle Agony dear,
I am surely in agony. You see, there is this man who has been terrorizing me with his love but me I don’t feel him. I am tired of him pestering to love me yet all the things I have said to turn him off have failed.
I have tried assuring him I have HIV, I am married to a male serial killer, I am the queen herself and unapproachable but all these things have fallen on deaf ears. So I am asking for your help.
He has asked me to go out with him for dinner tomorrow and I am wondering if I can pull a “White Chicks” stunt on him by farting at table, ordering for the whole menu and chewing badly. Do you think he will leave me alone then or?
Anguished single girl.
Anguished single girl dear,
What you’re experiencing is something that staunch mathematicians call cross pollination. Basically, all that you’re doing is exactly why the man is attracted to you.
For example when you told him you have HIV, he could have liked you because he owns a drug shop that sells ARVs and you’re going to be a frequent customer. And then when you told him you’re a queen, he thought it was a chance to drop the drug shop business, marry into the royal family and inherit something.
If you go out with him and fart, he’ll just see that as another business opportunity to expand his shop and start selling air freshners. So it’s up to you. Say yes and he’ll stop requesting to love you but you’ll kill his dream. Keep saying no and you’ll grow Uganda’s economy.