First of all, let’s get the pronunciation right. It’s not a “progress”, it’s a Progrès. Pronounced “Prow Gray”. Like “Colbert”.
Although if you are a staunch pan-Africanist you have good reason to say the name in our local languages. You may call it “Puloguleesi” or “Pologulechi”.
Why Do They Exist?
The Progrès first came about when an engineer walked into a bakery in Osaka looked at the shelves and thought, “Hmmm. I wonder what it would be like to ride a loaf of bread.”
He was soon arrested for performing a lewd and unhygienic act in a public place.
While in jail he conceived the idea of a luxurious salon car that looked both ugly and expensive that could be offered to third world markets. The result of his feverish delirium was the Progrès.
What are they for?
They are commonly used to get people transported from one point of this filthy and obnoxious town to another without exposing them to the dust, noise, smell or tear gas that pollute the air and slowly poison bodaboda, taxi and bus passengers. The Progrès is air-conditioned, meaning that the driver and passengers don’t have to open the windows. With airconditioning, the vehicle manufactures fresh oxygen for you when you press a button.
It is a status symbol.
What does it symbolize?
That the owner couldn’t afford a real Benz.
Why Do They Look So Ugly?
Researchers have failed to understand the exact reason why Progrà (plural of Progrès) look like the design was based on an insult to someone’s mother. However, some theories have been put forward:
One theory that is receiving credence among academics both at home and abroad was that the design was created with the aim of reducing the teenage pregnancies that result from people fucking in the back seats of cool cars. It was believed that if the car is a Progrès, the chick would just say she’s not in the mood and you two would just sit back there and do Sudoku instead.
However, the main reason they look like that is that the designer just didn’t like other people’s eyes. He didn’t want you to have happiness.
If he did he would have made a Kawasaki Ninja.
And had Stacey Dash as the passenger.
Why are You Hating?
I’m not hating. If you gave me a Progrès I would not refuse. I would take it and drive it all over the place. Even with a gangsta lean.
In fact it would be better to be inside the thing because then I would not have to look at it’s ugliness.
Can You Try and Say Something Nice about the Progres for our Readers who Own One?
Hey, at least it’s not a hummer.