You haven’t heard? A group of German scientists have found a genius Ugandan chimpanzee that is intellectually closer to humans than most apes. Beat that, Kenya. Our animals are wiser than your oil. Oh, did you say something?
Yeah, thought so.
Anywho, the chimpanzee was named Natasha. Apparently, it can communicate with people so we traveled to Ngamba Island Chimpanzee Sanctuary on Lake Victoria to tap into some of its intelligence by asking it the most fundamental questions that even humans had failed to answer.
ULK: So Natasha The Wise Chimp, how did you become very intelligent?
Natasha: I enrolled in a top Ugandan school and read a lot of books.
ULK: Wow. Uganda finally has something to brag about.
Natasha: But that didn’t help so I started reading ULK and that’s how I increased my brainpower.
ULK: True. Natasha The Wise Chimp, is it true you can tell someone’s name just by looking at them?
Natasha: Yes. You’re called Erique.
ULK: WHAT? How did you know?
Natasha: It’s written there on your nametag.
ULK: Wow! Such wisdom. Natasha The Wise Chimp, where does love end?
Natasha: Love is just a feeling. It’s, therefore, unquantifiable and infinite, and no mortal man or wise chimp can claim for sure that they have an answer to that question. Except your bank. They’ll tell you when she’s leaving you.
ULK: What wisdom you have, oh wise one. Natasha The Wise Chimp, why does GNL rap in English?
Natasha: To show the world that even with a disability, you can still make it.
ULK: Very true. Natasha The Wise Chimp, was the Ugandan government wise to…
Natasha: No. The government doesn’t have the power to be wise. That power belongs to the people.
ULK: But again with our load shedding…
Natasha: Power of the mind. Intelligence.
ULK: Ooooh. Natasha The Wise Chimp, what does walking the talk mean?
Natasha: Jennifer Musisi.
ULK: Eh. I thought it means walking as you talk.
Natasha: No, that’s Erias Lukwago.
ULK: Okay, one last one. Natasha The Wise Chimp, who is Enygma?
Natasha: He’s a Ugandan rapper.
ULK: Seriously, how do you know these things?