Legends Erique and Ernest bring you a legendary sum-up of what’s happened this week. Roll dem ting!
In sexual news, the number of Ugandan virgins skyrocketed drastically this week, following rising inflation rates and a spike in demand for the dollar.
Meanwhile, a shocking new report revealed that, contrary to popular belief, these virgins do not come from a bar in Bugolobi.
And in education, Kyambogo and Nkumba university students went on strike to protest the lack of bread during breakfast. They broke windows and burnt expensive property to avenge the cruel breadlessness inflicted upon them by the government. And now they have started another strike for butter.
Following the still-shady stoning of a darling police officer, Sevo has directed Kayihura to ensure that police deployed on riot control duty carry cameras to protect evidence.
Policeman: (Cocks gun)
Kayihura: No, I mean shoot pictures.
Meanwhile the government and opposition are still denying stoning the policeman.
Govt: Apologise, fool!
Opposition: What the hell! You apologise!
Govt: Okay, you go first.
Opposition: Let’s do it together.
At this rate, we advise investigators to look into questioning the stone.
In more sexual news, filmmaker and Invisible Children wanker Jason Russell is recovering from stress and dehydration in a well-funded US hospital according to his wife, following a popular nervous breakdown last week. Mrs Russell, who avoided the question of why she lets her husband wank, said that Russell was recovering and had plans to visit Uganda soon. Probably to apologise. Msw.
Oh, and Invisible Children gave Gulu district local government shs2bn to construct a modern council hall. They probably want them to have a modern wanking facility.
And that’s all we have this week, ladies and gentlemen. Till next time, TGIF!