In a time of national turmoil such as this, a period in our history when so little good news can be found in Uganda, we have to remember to celebrate the things we as a nation have managed to excel in.
That is what we mean to do today in this post. And the first item of Ugandan excellence on the list is this guy.
Jimmy Jones 75.
Jimmy Jones 75 (pronounced “sevenny fahve”, so don’t be local) is the best radio DJ in the universe. It’s that simple.
Everyone who listens to him instantly falls in love with his charisma, his wit, his encyclopedic knowledge of his music (he recently revealed the full name of Usher, and he even knows what the R. in R. Kelly stands for.)
Jimmy Jones is the only radio personality in the world to enjoy 100 percent audience approval. Not even Rick Dees, long thought to be the most loved radio presenter on the globe is loved by absolutely every single person on it.
Well suck this, Dees, Nobody doesn’t like Jimmy. Everyone who hears him automatically digs his shit! Scientifically proven. By science, dammit!
Here are the results of a survey.
- “Jimmmy Jonze iz teh kollest radio przenashon I have ever seen.”
- “Jimmy Jones singlehandedly revolutionized my radio listening habits. I now have an ipod.”
- “It is because of Jimmy Jones that I believe in a God. Someone must save us.”
- “Wen I here jimjonz I feel as if happy like Wen they are sexing me!!!”
- “I love Jimmy Jones show, even though I am deaf.”
- “Jimmy Jones is the one good thing about load shedding”
- “I hate Jimmy Jones”
- “That is impossible. No one can possibly hat Jimmy Jones. He is perfect.”
- “But he calls Mya Myurrr.”
- “Stop claiming to hate Jimmy Jones or I will insult you.”
- “Okay, sorry. I now love Jimmy Jones.”
Some people surveyed expressed what could be construed as dislike, but once we realised that they were all just jealous of him, we were able to decide that they don’t count. Claiming not to love Jimmy Jones makes you invalid.
There was a woman who once tuned in to Jimmy Jones radio show. She says she hated it, so she flung her radio to the ground in fury and it shattered into pieces. The speaker was detached from the receiver. The batteries rolled away and vanished under the sofa. The casing fell into eighteen segments.
And yet the voice of Jimmy Jones 75 continued to ring out through the Box. Now that it was no longer trapped in the box it filled her whole house. She ran outside screaming. It followed her, saying “Myurrr! Myurrr!” and she could not escape. It murdered her pets. She learned her lesson. Don’t mess with Jimmy Jones. Love him or else.