Dear waters (the deep sea in particular), hiya! We have been informed by the fat little ninjas that live in our modems that you have recently struck up some beef with certain important cables that have been living peacefully in the sand of your bottom for a long long time. No, don’t get us wrong, sea. We know that the correct word for your bottom is bed, as in, on the bed of the sea, the scary octopus sleepeth, but using the word bottom makes it sound like you have bums, doesn’t it? And we find bums funny.
Anyway. We hear you have upset certain cables that are responsible for bringing facebook, gchat, twitter, 9gag and youTube to our computers. This is unfortunate.
You may not be aware of this, but cubicle rats, we people that work in tiny offices in corporate environments NEED these websites to survive. Our souls need the nourishment of this often idiotic information in order to remain sane.
Mr. Deep Sea, we implore you to quit manyangaring and tanga tangaring with the internet cables. Even our relationships depend on these things. Now what if I get back online and find that stupid girl Whoretti posting funny things on my fiancée’s wall? Or what if I find
that Nikki Minaj has just released a new video and I’m not the first person in the world to dislike it on youtube (Stupid Hoe was the last straw for me. Shattered my back PANGalangala. It is finished between me and that woman)?
Leave the internet alone, Mr. Sea, because that’s where we live most
of our lives. OK? OK. Tenchai. Bye