Resignation 101

By • Feb 21st, 2012 • Category: Society

Late last week, two people resigned from their birth right to be in the cabinet. They left the cabinet. They came out of the cabinet. They came out of the closet. As is the norm with such acts, the world was shocked. People couldn’t believe it was going down. Next time you find yourself having to resign from cabinet because we are wondering what you did with all our money, here are handy tips on how to do it:

Eat

You really don’t want to be in the middle of your speech only for a bout of hunger to hit you. Research suggests that it will do you good to eat lots of ground nuts. G-nuts will increase your sperm count and give you lots of testosterone; they will give you more balls. This applies to everyone. You want to be up there reading your resignation and everyone looking up at you, pointing at their groin area and saying

“Damn, you gat lots of balls”

Sing it

Sing

I didn't mean to doowit..My hand slipped and took the money

There is a saying that all the best things are yoddled. So don’t just go up there and bore the people listening to you. Resignation speeches are long. Make their two hours worth it. Hire a back-up band. Quela. Janzi. The police band. Rehearse with them. Then make sure your speech rhymes. People are petty; their ears have been trained to get egzaited at lines that rhyme. So when resigning, say something like:

Yo yo yo,
Y’all know I’ve never served anyone else mo, (it’s true it’s true),
But I can’t do this no more, (I’m blue I’m blue)
I gave it my all fo sho,
But since y’all want to hit this,
Bull’s eye,
Ima have to leave this,
No cry,
Fidiyemfidiyemfidieyem

 

 

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