The Monday Massacres were supposed to go up first thing today, a Monday which has been massacred, however, we had a staff glitch. Our new intern is doesn’t know what she’s doing. I wonder why we even gave her the position.
Oh, yeah. Because the other intern was too busy/ hot to work.
Transcript of the interview with the other intern.
Transcript of the interview with the lousy new intern who delayed the Massacres.
Intern: I’m very grateful for those opportunity sir. Very grateful. I only recently re-entered the job market after leaving my last place of employment and was shocked to find out that things have become tough since I was younger, what with high inflation and rising costs of living. And unemployment! I had no idea unemployment was this high when I quit my job.
ULK: Yes. Yes. Let’s get this interview started. Please state your name.
Intern: Bbumba. Syda Bbumba.
ULK: (Acting nonplussed. We are also celebs ndaba) State your previous place of employment.
Intern: The Cabinet of the Republic of Uganda.
ULK: What were your responsibilitis there?
Intern: I was in charge of guiding policy for the government.
ULK: And why did you leave this job?
Intern: I misguided some policy.
ULK: I see. Okay. You realise that this is an internship position. It is unpaid. There is no salary.
Intern: Really? What if you will get a letter from the president instructing you to pay me a few billion?
ULK: We got an email from email@example.com once, but it turned out to be a Nigerian scam. That was as close as we have got to hearing from him.
Intern: Do I get a driver? A house? Houses? A bodyguard?
ULK: You get an apron, a broom, and a key to the kitchen.
Intern: Okay. What is my first job?
ULK: You have to guide the massacres in on Monday morning first thing…