Monday Massacres: The Interview

By • Feb 20th, 2012 • Category: Monday Massacres

The Monday Massacres were supposed to go up first thing today, a Monday which has been massacred, however, we had a staff glitch. Our new intern is doesn’t know what she’s doing. I wonder why we even gave her the position.

Oh, yeah. Because the other intern was too busy/ hot to work.


Transcript of the interview with the other intern.


Anything I can do for you, sir?

Intern: Hi.

ULK: Hired.


Transcript of the interview with the lousy new intern who delayed the Massacres.


Intern: I’m very grateful for those opportunity sir. Very grateful. I only recently re-entered the job market after leaving my last place of employment and was shocked to find out that things have become tough since I was younger, what with high inflation and rising costs of living. And unemployment! I had no idea unemployment was this high when I quit my job.


ULK: Yes. Yes. Let’s get this interview started. Please state your name.


Intern: Bbumba. Syda Bbumba.


'Sup, Guy.

ULK: (Acting nonplussed. We are also celebs ndaba) State your previous place of employment.


Intern: The Cabinet of the Republic of Uganda.


ULK: What were your responsibilitis there?


Intern: I was in charge of guiding policy for the government.


ULK: And why did you leave this job?


Intern: I misguided some policy.


ULK: I see. Okay. You realise that this is an internship position. It is unpaid. There is no salary.


Intern: Really? What if you will get a letter from the president instructing you to pay me a few billion?


ULK: We got an email from once, but it turned out to be a Nigerian scam. That was as close as we have got to hearing from him.


Intern: Do I get a driver? A house? Houses? A bodyguard?


ULK: You get an apron, a broom, and a key to the kitchen.


Intern: Okay. What is my first job?

ULK: You have to guide the massacres in on Monday morning first thing…


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  • Patrick Bakuru

    You get an apron, a broom and keys to the kitchen….!!!!!Damn!