Kenyans Are Ugly But Ugandans Are Swagger Gangstas

By • Feb 20th, 2012 • Category: Society

First, who or what is a swagger gangsta? Many of you have fallen sick and failed to eat or sleep because you couldn’t find answers to this question. In fact you didn’t even know you were suffering from question.

Well, in the simplest words, everyone is a swagger gangsta.

No? The following are the traits of a swagger gangsta. Read and you’ll find that you fall in at least one category.


When a swagger gangsta is broken up with, he won’t cry. That’s the commonest law of physics. Instead, he’ll go around telling friends he was tired of her anyway.

“The b*tch deserves it!” he’ll scream.

“Deserves what nigga? She broke up with you!” a confused friend will ask.


And the conversation will stop there, no questions asked. The swagger gangsta will then calmly go home alone and something will fall in his eyes and cause tears and make him listen to sad music.


A swagger gangsta will enter a party and sit alone in one corner so that everyone knows he’s been there done that and doesn’t need this childish sh*t anymore.

He’ll buy one beer and keep sending the waiter for more ice cubes so that every time someone looks at him, it looks like he has a new beer.

He’ll coolly nod his head and move his lips to some Jamaican song he doesn’t understand because some chicks keep looking at him.

He won’t hear them say, “What’s that gu-guy’s case? He’s just gu-there standing in front of the TV looking looking at us with his ga-eyes. He’s even singing wrong things.”


If it’s a single-sex conversation, a swagger gangsta will not say much. Not because he is too cool for the conversation but because he really has nothing to say.

Until a chick joins the conversation. Then he will want everyone to know that the people of Google and Wikipedia sometimes call him to ask about things they don’t understand.

He will yap loudest and interject most of his statements with “Me let me tell you” and “Listen! Listeeeeen!”


A real swagger gangsta will never tell the truth on Facebook. He will write, “Weekend at last! Where the party @?” and get about 15 comments asking him to come to this totally happening place in Ntinda.

He will eagerly reply the comments, like them even, then quickly shut down his computer and run home to catch this totally happening show on CNN.

His friends will call his phone and he won’t pick up. The next morning he will tell them, “Ah man. By the time you called, me I was already squeezing hot shorties at some house party. I couldn’t even hear the phone.”

And his Facebook on Monday morning will say, “DAMN! Major headache from hangover! Hope my boss doesn’t find out.”


Liking this article is what happens to cool people