Love Inc., the international corporation that manufactures love has reported major worldwide losses after taking a major blow from top rival, Sexsoft.
The revelation was made just this morning at a press briefing called by Love’s Chairman and C.E.O, Richard Romance. Romance largely attributed the decline in profits to Sexsoft’s merger with Facebook.
“The union made it much easier for Sexsoft to penetrate and break into new markets covered by their new partner,” said Romance. “Of course for a long time we have been planning a similar move but I guess this is Sean’s way of asking us to go shove it up our a**es.”
Sexsoft’s near-predictable move comes only months after the company acquired Love’s former Chief of Marketing, Lubry K. Sean as their new Chief of Operations. Sean declined to comment on the general public’s belief that this was a move to clap back at getting laid off from Love Inc.
Market analysts are already calling this “a blow that is going to be hard to recover from” saying that Love Inc.’s Valentine’s day is bound to be the biggest victim of this move.
“With Facebook it becomes very easy for Sexsoft’s products to be accepted by all sorts of consumers; the ugly, the players, the killer-bodied, the handsome, the young-minded, those with very weak game…everyone with an internet connection will get laid,” commented an Economic Analyst from the New York Times.
“Those loyal to Love are now seriously considering cheating on their partners. Sexsoft is already being looked at as the Apple of everyone’s eye so it’s going to be a pretty tough ride for the lovers out there. Especially my wife.”