The Ascent Of A Ugandan Saint

By • Feb 8th, 2012 • Category: Society

You’ve all heard the news and read cruel jokes from insensitive people (the bastards) about Roger Mugisha’s noble sausage.

He quit his job because the government had acted stupid even when it’s generally accepted that that’s what they do for a living.

At ULK headquarters, we sacrificed a whole duck last night (the sheep looked insecure so we let it go) in his honour. And you know how expensive duck is these days. Bless the shepherd.

From this day forth, thou shall be crazy to walk to work because thine weather is too hot. Thou shall quit instead.

On the first day, he walked to work, on the second day he got pissed, and on the third day, brethren, he quit for our sins, Amen? If you ever feel aggrieved at any point in your life, cry unto his name (or just call his number) and he’ll get another job and quit it for you. And thou shall find peace again.

Has Justin Timberlake refused to go back to N’Sync? He’ll quit for you. Has your airtime failed to load? He’ll quit for you. Has your Lady Gaga CD skipped your favourite part? He’ll quit and lock himself in the bedroom to cry for you.

Every opposition member should be like this man. Leave your microphones and quit, you idiots. Or do something of even lesser significance. I guarantee you the government will somehow feel bad and change its ways. Even if a minister changes the TV station he’s watching, something will have changed.

Frankly, I don’t even know what I’m still doing at ULK. I QUIT! You heard that, government? And don’t even think about begging me to stay. I’ve already moved on. Write me a letter of apology and maybe I’ll think about it.

 

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