After the publication of certain unfortunate and poorly-judged statements on this website, we received a message from a reader that has forced us to soberly and calmly reassess our utterances. The message is as follows.
Mukasa Ben This Attack on my King is in very bad taste. He is not a clown to be turned into an object of satire! You Insensitive, arrogant editors of this excuse for comedy page shall pay albeit dearly. I suggest you all hire bodyguards. This is not a threat.. its a promise .
This message is clearly from a wise, mature, respectable, intellectual and not at all from a dangerously unhinged psychopath who might stab us in our sleep if we don’t say sorry very quickly.
Because this threat had me shitting my jeans with fear… I mean, had us seeing the error of our ways, we have decided to publish this retraction. Please don’t kill us, boss.
Our post was misinformed. Kabaka Mutebi is a perfect human being, a completely immaculate and indefectable person who is not only without blemish but is in fact morally, spiritually and mechanically incapable of doing anything that is not absolutely flawless.
If Kabaka Mutebi tries to tell a lie the entire universe alters itself accordingly. The lake Victoria… Ooops. I mean Nalubaale, was actually bright red with green stripes and yellow polka dots until Kabaka Mutebi was chatting with a Facebook friend of his in Prague, and he just lied, “Our lake is blue,” because he didn’t have time to type all those words. In two minutes the lake was in fact blue, and none of us remembered it’s earlier colours.
So given that the Kabaka morals are totally unimpeachable, it follows logically that he could not possibly have committed adultery. We were wrong, so wrong in jumping to conclusions when we saw that he had got a child outside his marriage.
We have now seen that the obvious explanation is that the Prince Ssemakookiro was the result of an immaculate conception.
The Kabaka has never snuck out on his wife for little something-something. He did not get on the sexual network. He is not generating crossually. He has no side dishes. He never creeps ye-eah TLC. He does not play away matches. He does not fart even.
We completely retract any statement ever made to the contrary of this.