Apologies To The Perfectest King In The World

By • Feb 1st, 2012 • Category: Featured Post, Politics

After the publication of certain unfortunate and poorly-judged statements on this website, we received a message from a reader that has forced us to soberly and calmly reassess our utterances. The message is as follows.

Mukasa Ben This Attack on my King is in very bad taste. He is not a clown to be turned into an object of satire! You Insensitive, arrogant editors of this excuse for comedy page shall pay albeit dearly. I suggest you all hire bodyguards. This is not a threat.. its a promise .

This message is clearly from a wise, mature, respectable, intellectual and not at all from a dangerously unhinged psychopath who might stab us in our sleep if we don’t say sorry very quickly.

Because this threat had me shitting my jeans with fear… I mean, had us seeing the error of our ways, we have decided to publish this retraction. Please don’t kill us, boss.

Our post was misinformed. Kabaka Mutebi is a perfect human being, a completely immaculate and indefectable person who is not only without blemish but is in fact  morally, spiritually and mechanically incapable of doing anything that is not absolutely flawless.

If Kabaka Mutebi tries to tell a lie the entire universe alters itself accordingly. The lake Victoria… Ooops. I mean Nalubaale, was actually bright red with green stripes and yellow polka dots until Kabaka Mutebi was chatting with a Facebook friend of his in Prague, and he just lied, “Our lake is blue,”  because he didn’t have time to type all those words. In two minutes the lake was in fact blue, and none of us remembered it’s earlier colours.

So given that the Kabaka morals are totally unimpeachable, it follows logically that he could not possibly have committed adultery. We were wrong, so wrong in jumping to conclusions when we saw that he had got  a child outside his marriage.

We have now seen that the obvious explanation is that the Prince Ssemakookiro was the result of an immaculate conception.

The Kabaka has never snuck out on his wife for little something-something. He did not get on the sexual network. He is not generating crossually. He has no side dishes. He never creeps ye-eah TLC. He does not play away matches.  He does not fart even.

We completely retract any statement ever made to the contrary of this.

Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • Lee Lisa

    wow! heated up arguments here. But just like Pulofesa said we should leave the judgment to He who created us.

  • Mwangishirley

    Heee he, keeping on the sexual network keeps your kabaka vulnerable to HIV/Aids, syphillis and gonnorhea. Better he listens, or else he be reminded of “Ndiwulira”

  • Ndla2u

    Mission 1, bring down this website by end of month. Earnest U had better secure ya DNS, n shit (Or better still book in advance with google not to spam http://urbanlegendkampala.com ) . Ama blust traffic till this thing goes down.
    Will teach 2 a lesson to mind ya own business, crazy cunt

    • Ernest Bazanye

      I swear. I really wish people would freaking spell my name right. ERnest, not EARnest. Banange!

      • Kamogavin2002

        Who gives a fuck wat to nem iz bitch

        • …imbuladde

          Kamogavin2002..go fuck yourself!

      • Ron

        U KNOWWWWW!!!! LOL, i feel yo pain on this one!

      • Tom

        hahaha where is the like button here?!!

    • Sleek

      Ndla2u, Mission 2: Learn how to make threats without using text speak. 

    • Exx Ace

      So Ndla2u, have you succeeded in blocking this piece of awesomeness yet? Or whatever it is you were going to do? Me, I can still access it. Maybe you need ‘blust’ more traffic… Hopefully you will clear the jam on my way home in said quest and I wont have to visit the site anyway…but while at it, please learn how to spell.

      • Sleek

        @ae1a8fb54e488bffb29d48ea99892de5:disqus Hehe. We are all running scared. txtmsta Ndla2u iz soopreeme

  • Namale_K

    Man Block this link as well http://www.downforeveryoneorjustme.com/http://urbanlegendkampala.com/.
    If U need help let me know n we give this site some good down tyme… Maybe they will keep the Kabushega-like noisiness off our king..