(Whisper) In many ways, I am an NRM baby. I know the picture that comes to mind is that NRM masturbated and got pregnant and then had me. No, nothing like that. The largest part of my life has been under NRM. I know the picture that comes to mind is of a big, sweaty body heaving and hawing on top of me for the largest part of my life. Eeeuuuugh. I hope the Ed sees those things and replaces the gross images with those of happy puppies clicking their shoes and walking down a yellow brick road.
(Voice raised slightly) 26 years down the road, NRM oyee. Have you stopped and looked back at what we were before the gallant, amazing, life-changing, gun-totting, orgasm-bringing NRM came along? Before the fundamental change we were breathing through our ears. We didn’t know how to breathe. Before the now rotund savior came to our rescue, we were not watching movies. Chuck Norris would never have reached our eyes. Can you imagine a life without Chuck Norris?
(Now chanting) We were not eating sausage
We were not kickboxing. Not that we are kickboxing now, but still…
We were not using iPads.
We were not shooting our own movies. Or shooting
We were not taking UBCs stuff and using it ourselves. Heck, we didn’t know UBC had stuff
(Screaming, frothing at the mouth) Long live Uganda, long live our amazing leader, Viva Life, Viva NRM!
(Calm voice) The best part about the 26 years is that we have a public holiday tomorrow which means tonight we can go to Zone 7 and meet cloud 9. Back-2-Skool is the thing to be @. But you already knew that. Shift+Delete the rest of this article from your mind. Only this paragraph is honest.