Unemployment is for Sissies

By • Jan 22nd, 2012 • Category: WTH

We should start with a warm message of congratulations to the young men and women who just recently graduated from University. Well done and congratulations.

I would say welcome to the economy, but we both know that just because you have graduated doesn’t mean you are about to start participating in the job market. Most of you have graduated into unemployment. Tight shit.

Now, if you studied economics, then you will be aware of the myriad complex factors that contribute to the state of affairs our country is currently mired in, where we cannot provide each graduate with the job of his or her dreams.

But a lot of you just assume you can’t get a job because of the sausage is exhausting.

And if you are Namiiro Zhanette you think the reason you cannot get the job of your dreams, i.e. a job as the socialite wife of a white arms/drugs dealer is because the head you have so far given has not been thorough enough.

Or if you studied BA History. Truth is the demand for Historians in Uganda has not been swelling at the same rate as the supply, so if there were 500 people in your class,  you are just going to join the 500 who graduated last year in waiting for the only employed Historian in Uganda to die so that there can be a job opening you can apply for. No, he’s not going to retire. He’s a historian. It’s kind of against the definition if he retires.

But let me tell you a secret. Unemployment isn’t really as high as you think.

Let me illustrate with a photo of a pair of shoes.


walk to work

This disgraceful photo was taken on Friday. Those shoes are like that becauae of unemployment.

You see, there is a guy who used to sit outside the offices polishing shoes. We called him Kaziro. He made enough money from shoes to buy a bodaboda so now if you want to go to Garden City, he can take you there for two k, but there is nobody to clean your shoes.

I just got to town thinking I’ll get Kaziro to clean my shoes, only to find dude wasn’t there. He had moved up in the world #richdadpoordad.

So instead of being unemployed, why doesn’t one of you come over and clean our shoes?

Now, before you start this elitist nonsense of simanyi you didn’t go to university just so you can shine shoes for a living, note this. The difference between Kaziro and a man who shines shoes for six months and then comes back on the seventh month to shine more shoes is brains.  Kaziro managed to move from shoes to a boda in six months, you lazy bitches. And he did not have as much education as you do. Imagine if he had the exposure a university eductation brings. He would be running a fleet of Specials by now.

You need to think outside the box. You need to think like entrepreneurs. There are many openings out there waiting to be exploited.

Look at this Zhanette chick, running around jostling for expatriates, sending requests to join their facebook groups as if she doesn’t know No Blacks Allowed. But who ever saw a successful artiste without a manager? Why don’t you take your education and become an agent for chicks like her? Thirty percent of all earnings is a good fee. I didn’t say Pimp, I said Agent.

It’s reached a point where I’m almoIt’s reached a point where I’m almost convinved that unemployed people are just not trying. For example, how come Uganda does not have a National Women’s Mudwrestling Championship league? Huh? Wide open market right there. Untapped opportunity.

What is the most consistent source of wealth in Uganda? Corruption. But why should the public sector be the only one benefitting? Because African Intellectuals are scum. They don’t want to use their brains to find local solutions to local problems like finding a way to privatise corruption. Seriously.  Bribe me to stop talking shit about Bad Black. You can keep a percentage.

You see with all these opportunities around us you only have yourself to blame. Get off your  lazy ass. Look at this one.

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