Notes From An Idle Mind | Thoughts On An Ad

By • Jan 18th, 2012 • Category: Notes From An Idle Mind

You’ve seen the sexual network ads strewn across the city, probably seen the commercial on the telly, but you’ve definitely heard the radio ad. In case you’re reading this from a land far far away, here’s the gist of the ad, conveniently appearing in an isolated paragraph…

Dude receives a phone call from some other dude saying he is the chap that he has been sleeping with.  His logic {and I assure you, it really is logic} stems from the idea that if two people share a partner, then they’ve shagged each other. It’s like some sick twisted extension of the six degrees theory.

So, here’s what I’m thinking, a dude calls me up and says he is the guy I’ve been sleeping with, I’d hang up. Seriously.  If evil Barry White called me, I’d hang up, switch off my phone and then initiate a process to exorcise my sim card. But not the guy on radio. No. He is intrigued. Not even once does he consider the possibility that someone’s got the wrong number. He actually wants to know more. What’s he thinking? “Man, I need to lay off the bottle, but DAMN, this is some interesting shit.”

Meanwhile, on the other side of the line, the caller is also kicking himself in the foot for failing to add a disclaimer. He thinks for a second that the drugs for the sore throat he picked up must have memory loss as a side effect. Note to self, next chap I call I must append the ‘no homo’ tag. “I’m the guy you’ve been sleeping with…no homo” But that is kinda gay…. In that case, can I say maybe, “sorta homo”… shit, shit, shit, my airtime…

“You see you’ve been sleeping with Brenda,” he continues voicing his Pulitzer prize winning thesis when he is interrupted,

“Which Brenda… I don’t know any Brenda….”

There’s some confusion as our fruity throaty caller begins to second guess himself, “Are you sure? Come on guy.”

“Walahi, as odd as it may seem, given that everyone knows at least one Brenda, I don’t know any.”

“Hmmm, how about Angella. Do you know an Angella?”

“Angella? Owawa?”

“Nansana…”

“Yeah, I know that one. Go on…”

Relieved, Ssebana’s speak-alike continues, “You see, you’ve been sleeping with Angella, and so have I…”

Now the confusion shifts to the recipient of the call. Wait. So technically, I didn’t sleep with this dude, did I? Were we involved in some crazy orgy or threesome? Actually, that must be it. I wonder whether our swords crossed….It’s the last time I take shots of The President’s Pride…

“…guy, are you there? I’m not on pakalast”

“Yes, sorry, go on….”

“Yeah, so I was telling you, I’ve been sleeping with Bren.. I mean Angela. And she has been doing that thing you like….”

More confusion. Have I actually acted on that fantasy? WINNING!

“insisting on sex with no condom”

ah… nuts.

“You like that, yeah? I don’t blame you. It’s nice, isn’t it? Like eating katogo with your hands…”

“You mean, like eating a sweet with no wrapper, don’t you?”

“Huh? That doesn’t even make sense. Anyway. So I was saying. When we shag it’s like a snake without it’s skin… you get? As in, I’m not covered. I’m like Larry King….”

“Live?”

“What? No, I’m hunched over like an old man trying to demonstrate some Physics pulley and fulcrum system. Shit, that beep has gone off. Man I told you I don’t have airtime. Crap, crap, crap!! Call me back…”

Beep

Ring. Ring {if you like this callertune and you’re sleeping around with other men, press star and swing to their beat}

“Hello? Who is this?”

“I’m the guy you’ve been sleeping with…”

 

 

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About Ivan

doesn't get why you feel compelled to force an accent when you're talking to summers

  • http://www.facebook.com/xpxbryan Muhumuza Bryan

    i know a Brenda too….everyone knows some Brenda!!