Untold excitement filled the streets of Kampala over the weekend after it was announced that Ugandans had scored 11th position in the race for the world’s saddest people.
The research, carried out by some outside countries institute that our reporter was too lazy to find out, was lauded by several Ugandans as an impressive year’s start just over seven days into 2012.
“Finally we have won something internationally worldwide. Am very happy that the world has finally recognized our efforts,” said a random sad Ugandan who preferred anonymity for fear of superstardom for his contributions to the flattering victory.
“Me I beat my wife here every day and she keeps asking me why I do it. Now you see? It is for the greater good of this country. If I took care of my family very well we would probably have flunked at number fifty. But now number eleven? This is good! Let me go and even beat her and the children right now.”
Another anonymous Ugandan also praised the government for its selfless contribution to the win saying that if it wasn’t for all the corruption, poverty and theft of public resources, Ugandans would be very happy people which would have denied them such vast world recognition.
“I encourage fellow Ugandans to be like those of Kabakumba and Kutesa and Basajjawhat and who who. Now is the time to stand up and fight for our sadness. Gone are the days when the world didn’t recognize us for anything. This is an opportunity we need to seize as our own. We should quit our jobs, stop providing for our families, drink more alcohol, become failures and endeavour to end up in prison,” he added.
“The youths should eat their school fees, engage in more strikes and even drop out of school. The women should just cheat on their men and abandon their kids on the streets. Who knows? Next year we may be number one. The government can just go on with business as usual. It will also help a lot.”