Someone asked me one day recently, “Baz, you are a humourist. Why don’t you write jokes about Bad Black? Lol?”
I replied, naturally, that Bad Black could kiss my drawers.
You see, Shanita Latifah Nalukenge Namuyimbwa has become less and less amusing as time has grown on. Her funniness quotient has dwindled as her irritation factor has spiked until now she’s about as funny as… well, she’s like grown men wearing skinny jeans: it was amusing, but now it is just sad to see what desperate and misguided people will do to grab a piece of what they imagine is glamour.
She’s like Robina Kisitu: at first it was mockable, now it is just maddeningly stupid.
Shanita is like seeing a person slip on a banana and fall down. At first it might seem funny to some people, but soon you realise that it’s not funny at all. It is a syptom of a much larger problem in society: littering, and people need to go to jail over this.
I was hoping that the judge would bang his gavel, send her out of our misery and leave our mindspace clear to discuss more important issues like Kadaga’s latest hairstyle, but then something shocking happened that brought her big fat donkeyhead barrelling back to my computer monitor.
I was chatting with my friend Joy and she happened to mention something Shanita had said. Two words.
What? What? Why? You mean these genes are going to be perpetuated? Who?
Naturally you want to know the party responsible. We all do. So aforementioned Joy, me and ULK geneologists launched an investigation. We are looking at the following suspects.
Shanita’s former lover and/ or current lover and/ or future lover may be responsible because this often happens with lovers: sex is had and ovaries are ferterlised. If he is the father, then it’s a coup for Shanita. According to British law on TV there is something called Child support. Even if you break up with your lover and he sends you to jail for going to Kampala and making it rain with his teeth, if you have his child, he can be obliged to pay you a certain amount of money regularly.
Ladies, stop detoothing black guys. Think global.
One of her first known accomplices in the crime of being tacky and cheap and acting local and villagish with currency in Kampala. Word is he has none left and is back to cutting hair for 5k in Mutaasa Kafeero or wherever. Many of those barbers are deadbeat dads, I have heard. He could be the one.
This Nigerian monger of profanity reportedly gave Shanita a private performance the weekend he flew in to Uganda to sing for the rest of you lumpen fans. Now, we don’t know what goes on during these private performances, but having heard Mr Flavour’s song, we no longer have that much confidence in his level of moral character.
Polokoto. Polokoto. Polokoto.
Brian Makensi Sabiiti
He has not denied that he is the father.
No one knows who this guy is sleeping with. Why is it such a mystery?
Probably caught sight of her as she was walking somehere. With her villager hooves squeezed into Sylvie Owori shoes.
Where was he on the night in question?
We hope that the guilty party will step up and take responsibility for the heinous act and surrender their tubes for cutting as soon as possible.