An Idiot’s Guide To English In 2012

By • Jan 5th, 2012 • Category: Society

Happy new year blah blah blah. Today, we take a look at some of the most used English phrases that somehow made it to 2012 when they shouldn’t have.

Good things come to those who wait

Thank you! I tried to tell my mum and she barked at me to get a job or get the hell out of her house.

 

Ignorance is bliss

The same mum took me to school for more than 15 years. I think the woman just doesn’t want me to be happy.

 

It takes a thief to catch a thief

So let me get this straight. Our entire police force is just a band of thieves in uniform? I knew it! There’s something about Kayihura’s eyes.

 

The best things in life are free

One day, a man enters Spear Motors…

“This is the latest Mercedes in the M series.”

“It must cost a fortune.”

“Actually, it’s free. It’s the best we have here.”

 

Never speak ill of the dead

One day, a man enters a TV…

“Osama is a heartless terrorist who…”

Excuse me sir. They’ve just confirmed that he’s dead.

“…Osama was a very loving and kind man.”

 

East is east, and west is west

Calm down, bro! No one is refuting that.

 

Laughter is the best medicine

This is how you know the government is wasting taxpayers’ money on building hospitals and paying doctors. If you’re reading ULK from Mulago right now, throw those pills in the nurse’s face, laugh out loud and walk out of that hospital. You’re healed.

 

All roads lead to Rome

Not here in Uganda, boss. Maybe in Kenya. Or TZ. Or Rwanda. Or Burundi. Do you guys have a road that goes up to Italy? Anyone?

 

Many a mickle makes a muckle

Yes, you have the best English in the world. Happy now? Show-off!

 

Money makes the world go round

Which bank did this guy use? No sir, it’s the sun’s gravitational pull, which rotates the earth and other planets around it that makes the world go round.

Others even believe it’s Bebe Cool.

 

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones

“Man you guy, stone the damn rat before it escapes!”

“Naaa man. You know my house in Muyenga? Yeah, it has glass.”

 

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

Dear Diary,

Yesterday a girl bought me chips chaps and this morning she sent me a text asking if I love her yet. I still don’t feel attracted to her but should I just love her? The chips were really good.

 

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