Notes From An Idle Mind | Notes On A New Year

By • Jan 4th, 2012 • Category: Notes From An Idle Mind

This is my 2012 piece wherein I take the piss whilst knowingly disturbing the peace. It’s also the one where I play with words in the first paragraph in such a way that will reveal that I’m not that good, something that despite being abstract, will reveal that real eyes realize real lies.

So without further ado;

In the near future, women of color (an off brown variant called ‘bleached’) shall take to the streets to show that they can be affluent. They shall prove once and for all that beauty can have bounty. The jury will be too preoccupied with this to acknowledge the possibility of beauty and brains coexisting in one individual. These women shall have come into money in manners that shall initially not be such a big deal for us as long as they keep the drinks flowing.

However, once we get over the stupor of inebriation we shall invariably gravitate towards the default setting inbuilt within and we shall hate and speculate; “she has a pensioner, she’s a slut, she wouldn’t be there if she kept her thighs shut”. It doesn’t matter coz we’ll be walking as we say that and they shall be driving past.

More hang spots shall open, some basically being the old places with new names, others actually being new places with new names and to wit, new locations. These places shall start off by being frequented by a class we like to lazily refer to as the who’s who because our linguistic capacity is limited to repeating words for effect yet that’s got the ability to make your literacy levels come off as merely being there-there.

The sports arena shall showcase the rise of a legend. Of course it will be with great difficulty that this new hero shall carve out an identity for himself. Should he be his own hype man or should he possess substance? These are some of the questions that he will grapple with before NTVs Point Blank ambushes him and forces him to follow the path they shall have laid out before him. For a while it will be funny, but it will only be a matter of time before we realize that we are more inclined to soccer and stand up comedy and not variants of the same.

There shall emerge, on the scene, a musical act with such a great potential and such a loose grasp on grammar and sensibility, but we will love him. Or her because, dammit, we need to have some variety and we feed into the ‘swag’ machine without planning to…until such a time that we see said local artiste in the club wearing shades…at 3am. Then the honeymoon will end and we shall call him or her or it ‘local’ and all will be well, because we love to hate.

Roads will continue being mistreated. The revival of the walk to work protests will see people employing heavy as **** footwear to help them stand their ground in the face of riot police and the strawberry yoghurt brigade. We will conveniently overlook the glaring fact that water/yoghurt with heavy impact=erosion=potholes. Whatever, no one that participates in that walk to work stuff is still studying about erosion…or is a rocket scientist otherwise we’d be flying to work, innit?

The fashion industry will continue it’s downward spiral into prehistoric times with it’s insistence on maintaining it’s rather unhealthy relationship with leggings and gladiators. In what may be construed by some, leggings will undergo yet another evolutionary curve much like the one that introduced ‘jeggings’ {jean leggings, really}. The year 2012 will introduce ‘beggings’; a local entrepreneur’s attempt at fusing traditional with modern couture… it goes without saying, the bark cloth leggings will rub people the wrong way and this phase will go away really fast. Gladiator sandals will also undergo a mid-life crisis and spring fur and some other boring shit.


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About Ivan

doesn't get why you feel compelled to force an accent when you're talking to summers

  • Roland Niwagaba

    thought they were called lejeans or legjeans!!