Monday Massacres: 2012

By • Jan 2nd, 2012 • Category: Monday Massacres

Welcome back to regular programming. To the UGgrind. To the hustle. To the mad dashes to work before showering. What will happen this year? Will you become rich and famous? Will super dip and cool cool bar come back into production? Will fuel become so cheap, we can start frying pancakes with it? Will more money be thrown around by another person but this time at a bar you are in? I have analyzed the data my trusted super computer, Mashonda, has collected and I present to you the things that will surely happen this year.

Electricity

In March, the government will unveil its up-till-then top-secret plan to power the entire nation by providing power wheels to all households. Inspired by the heavy running done by hamsters, these wheels will allow members of a household to power their house simply by running.

Run!

We gat the power!

Naturally, this means that while some sit and watch TV, one person will have to do the running. Since ‘Going to the Gym’ is top on many people’s list of resolutions they won’t keep, this baby will deliver on that promise. Kipsiro’s household is excited.

Elections

Unlike last year, we will not have presidential elections this year.

Road discipline

Cars will still be driven on the left side of the road. This won’t change.

Weather

There will be rain on some days. And it will be hot on other days. And there will be even more rain on some other days.

Boda bodas

Boda boda riders will still ride like they are what popped out when Satan got a hand-job.

Man on the moon

Much as several hours will be spent toying with this idea we will not send a man to the moon.

Aliens

There will be an alien invasion. A few people will get anal probes

Happy new year. Stay Legendary.

Liking this article is what happens to cool people