If you have been anywhere near a radio lately, then you have heard this song. I’ve Got The Moves Like Jagger, asserts the artist responsible for the record, gleefully and with a lot of confidence.
Not that I doubt him, after all, I barely know the guy. The last time I paid any attention to this fellow, Adam Levine of Maroon Five according to the DJ, was when he did the chorus for a Kanye West song and, since Kanye turned right into a massive douche after that album, leading me to throw him out, I somehow found myself scorning all who had ever kept him company.
Except Common, of course. Common is ma-boy, as they say. Fist fist pumps chest.
Everyone else who has ever been close enough to learn Kanye’s bad manners is non grata to me. I spit on you all, as I spit on your obnoxious monomaniac polished gnome of a friend.
This means that I am just as bewildered as you are when I hear this song. And it’s made even worse by the fact that When I hear this song is ALWAYS. Everywhere I go, “Oweeeyowweeeyooweeeyoooweee!”
What does it even mean?
That’s why the muzungu gave us Wikipedia. So we can find out such things. So, let’s find out what moves Jagger has:
Mick Jagger is a sixty-eight-year old British man. This should make the picture more clear: Moves like those of a sixty-eight-year-old Briton. This song must be about arthritis exacerbated by cold climate and bad food.
You might be wondering just how reliable this source is: this wikipedia that claims these things about Mick Jagger. You have watched many episodes of TV and have never seen any old people on them. Well, that is just a tiny pinch of a misunderstanding. You see, Twilight and Vampire shows are not actually British, that is why everyone you see in them is thirteen and in a training bra. If you look at Britain, you will find that many of them are old.
Mick Jagger is a member of a rock band. Now, on learning this, I quickly turned to all my buddies in Kampala social circles who profess to be rock fans and asked them about The Rolling Stones, Jagger’s band. It soon turned out that none of them had ever given a fuck, and I was left to imagine what kind of rock band if could possibly have been.
Well, there is a British rock band I stumble upon when I am visiting my sister, the mother of a three-year-old who loves watching CeBeebies. Those might also be the moves Adam Levine has.
Mick Jagger is known for consuming a lot of drugs a lot of drugs a lot of drugs all the time. Poor guy. I wonder what he was sick of. From the looks of it, some terrible face-crimpling disease that just sucks your skull out from the back of your head, causing your skin to fold in like a used kaveera after the rolla has been eaten and even the katomato juice has been shcmooshed out.
Those are moves like Jagger. I have educated you today.