While you’ve considered and even done the heinous crime of chopping class and staying in your bed to umm, sleep, we at ULK care very much about your educaishan. For one, we slip misspelled words into our articles so you can display the fact that you actually went to class and paid attenshan. Let out a mean laugh and point an index finger at your dumb-ass friend who didn’t see the ‘attenshan’ thing.
Now that we have his eyes (because girls are nice, pure creatures from planet Ogufas and they don’t skip class); now that his bloodshot eyes are on us, we proceed to tell him firsthand what will happen to him if he skips class. We know these consequences because some of our Facebook friends occasionally let their defenses down and inbox confessions
“ULK dear, I know my update says ‘Ayayayaya, what should I do with all this money? Lemme bulasiti!!’
But the truth is I’m doing an Onesmus on the landlord. “
So, dear reader, this is what will happen to you if you skip class to extract boogers.
1. You will be a broke useless wart. People will say ‘hi’ from a distance and hunch over to type into their tablets ‘lol! He iz hiya smell smelling brokeness’ as they walk off quickly.
2. You won’t get people’s jokes. That day you skip class is the day the teacher (hehe, teacher) talks about the anatomy of a joke. Those in attendance will be schooled on what makes a joke funny, on which jokes are funniest, on when to laugh out loud with all 73 teeth showing, when to just show the teeth and not let out a sound, when to laugh while bending over and hitting the person who made the joke and when to say “Harr harr, you make me funny you.” If none of this rings a bell, you picked the wrong day to skip class Sonny. Don’t be that person everyone laughs at a joke all the while knowing they are going to have to explain it to you
3. Your kids will think you are dumb. While everyone’s children will show off their dad during “Show and tell”; “Look fellow 3-toothed friends, when I grow up and stop eating mud and peeing in my pants, I want to be like this guy, my dad!” (Excited screams all around). Your kids on the other hand will show off your neighbor’s parrot “because she speak proper English”. Don’t skip class
5. You’ll be that person that thinks “morning after pills” are for hangovers