Monday Massacres: How To Be Famous

By • Nov 14th, 2011 • Category: Monday Massacres

Up until now, the social structure has made you measure your popularity among your peers by how much money you have, how sinewy your biceps are (for the guys. No girl I spoke to during the research confirmed finding her beefy girlfriends popular) or generally how much you can stuff down in five minutes when visiting your in-laws without them noticing. Those may all be true, but below are some things that determine how popular you’ll be among your peers. Naturally, your peers don’t tell you these things since they want to be popular alone. I only reveal them to you because I think you think I have Keri Hilson on speed dial, have big biceps and can stuff down an entire platter of baby sausages in under five minutes when visiting in-laws without them noticing.

Sport

The more athletic you are, the more popular you’ll be. If all sport fails, try thumb wrestling. No one will know how good you are at it till they see you beat everyone.  Thumb wrestle the conductor in the taxi when he asks for your fare. The driver even; do it when he stops to pick-up a female passenger in gladiator shoes and shades as she slowly moves to the parked taxi. It’ll take her twelve minutes. That is enough time for you to wrestle three wins from the taxi driver’s thumb.

Thumb Wrestling

What did you call me eh?

Hair

Do you know why Katt Williams and Donald Trump are so popular? India Arie lied. They are their hair. Get a funky hairstyle and you’ll be so popular, you’ll need a PA.

Kart Williams

Right on!

The Doc

Have you noticed how popular doctors are? How girls in clubs scream themselves hoarse and throw panties at them yelping “OMGomgOMGomgOMG!! It’s the docturrr!!!!” (More panties) “The freakin doocctttuurrr!!! Treat me!!” (Hurling themselves at the doc)

Doctor

I got the prick

You may want to strongly consider becoming one; overnight celebrity status awaits you.

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