The PAMA wards: Every year lately, a group of entreprenuers throw a lavish, glamorous, expensive gala to make money off ticket sales… wait. No, it says here, “to recognize achievements in Ugandan music.” This year the event took place on Saturday after the party. What do you mean after what party?
The PAMA wards: Every year lately, a group of people are surprised to see that the PAMA wards are actually still here.
Kazoora Got A New Watch: Remember those stunts of Sean Kingston? JK pulled them again. He told Mike Mukula to hand over his watch, so that’s the one he’s now using. I wonder what it’s like to have Mike Mukula’s watch. Do you be like, “I wonder what time it is?” then you look at the watch and it says, “Oh, time to embezzle public funds meant for health services.”
Wamma Mukula, I’m just joking. We all know you are innocent of all those charges and it is preposterous to even suggest otherwise. Heh.
Mike Mukula Got Jacked: See above. Man, it was like being in Nairobi. One minute you have your nice watch, the next it’s gone.
Straka Was There: Straka, straka, straka. Eh. Straka. Banange straka.
Iryn Namubiru Won: I think she’s a vampire. Her eyes change colour.
People we have never heard about: There’s a singer named Phantom Lovins? What the frack is a Phantom Lovins? Phantom Lovins sounds like an ointment you put on your face to cure acne, a China-made product whose name was translated from Mandarin. Did they nominate Chinese acne-cream for a PAMA ward?
The following events did not occur, much to our disappointment:
- Navio did not mention Atlas in his acceptance speech. He did not say, “I wanna thank God for the talent, I wanna send a shout out to my Moms: I’m grateful for your support. I wanna send a shout out to my fans: thanks for believing in me. I wanna send a shout out to Klear Kut: you guys are like family. And finally I wanna send a shout out to Atlas: Deeeeeeeeez nuts, dawg! Thank you. Peace.”
- Jackie Chandiru did not have a mudfight with Grace Nakimera in the parking lot.
- Straka did not reveal herself to be a man in drag, and
- Bebe Cool’s pit bulls did not come to their senses and walk out in protest.