Don’t Break Your Boss’ Jaw, Fart On It

By • Oct 27th, 2011 • Category: WTH

 

Blow fish have poisonous testicles. Tee hee! Has this been hanging around the world, being known to everybody but me? I am so amused. BLOW fish. Testicles. POISONOUS testicles. Can somebody say Ungrateful!?

 

I’m proud to say that I stumbled upon this information between 9am and 5pm. On a very busy work day.

 

Because my boss’ only claim to coolness is that he reads ULK, I might get fired for this post. But you know, anything fir the peoples.

 

Presenting: Things you should consider before kicking your obnoxious stroke irritating stoke mubofu dala dala boss in the panty:

 

Boss panty.

 

  •  Every time you take a dump on company time, you are being paid to shit. So don’t forgive them. Bog.

 

  •  Every time you take a cup of coffee, you’re feeding your caffeine addiction on company resources. You are making the company pay for your rush. They are financing your habit. Reflect on this and feel like a rebellious, manipulative teenager. Smirk.

 

  •  When you’re too broke to afford lunch because the peanuts you earn are too damn few to last the month, go and make thick syrupy sugar-water for lunch. Make sure it’s yellow with those black black things that well made sugar-water always has. Try not to hear the sounds your boss is making as he munches his chicken. If things get too hard, go and spit in the flask of water in the boardroom. Ooze your bile into his coffee water. This helps.

 

Peanuts. Har.

  • Sigh. By virtue of your boss owning a piece of paper whose small print gives him/her full ownership of your soul, he’s kind of allowed to call your intercom and bark extremely STUPID things like, “Get off fb and browse the highly irrelevant websites that I’ve spammed your inbox with! You need to LEARN THE BASICS. Excuse me? Learn the whatwho? The wherewhich? The basics? Nigga, I need to learn the basics about as much as you need my sharp fingernails in your baby maker.

 

  • Bosses are people too. With mood swings and bad days. And they pay you money to take their theatrics. So don’t foam at the mouth when he or she says something incredibly sexist. Make those promises that were popular in primary school. Say, “When I grow up and become the boss of this stupid (wo)man’s child, I will make that kid suffer! Msw *sob.”

 

  • This one is low and must not be done unless your boss is a maggot of the first order.  Like a…a power ranger maggot. Lean how to foul the air from his direction. Yes. Via him. Learn how to channel farts. You can suppress the smell of a fart until it travels a considerable distance from you. Did you know? Now you know. When he opens the wide, dank crevasse that is his mouth to foul the air with something recycled and irrelevant that will extend the meeting, make him shut it up with your gas. You have the power in your trunk. ‘member dat.

Unleash the power within

Consider the above before boxing your boss in the spine, OK?

 

P.S: Are you going for Tenza’s show? She speaks cute. She makes banana rhyme with Benieres. If we’re nice to her, she might come for our poarty. And teach us syam ryal Jamaican dances because we’ve jam to believe that daggering is their national dance. Shya.

 

Liking this article is what happens to cool people

About Apenyo

is a writer and a lover of most kinds of silliness. When she's not stringing words together, she's either reading or dancing. You can find more of her at http://apenyo.wordpress.com. Now like and share the article because she's also violent.