Monday Massacres: Black Monday

By • Oct 24th, 2011 • Category: Monday Massacres

Last week, news was everywhere about how a charitable soul had been taken captive by the powers that be. Bad Black aka Latifah Nalukenge aka Shanita Namuyimbwa was arrested. I took the weekend off to do some in-depth research into where this ‘young’ lady might have gotten all this money she’s been hitting people with. I present to you my meticulous findings; as you read on, you’ll realize how smug and happy I am about my findings.

Undercover FBI agent

Ladies and gentlemen, it is possible that the young lady was an undercover FBI agent. Judging by her name (Bad Black?), her build, the energy she’d use when hurling huge bundles of notes at people, the nimbleness she had on dance floors and how much time she spent under covers, it is highly likely that this lady was trained by a top undercover outfit.  It is my submission, ladies and gentlemen, that she was on a covert mission to find out the effects of free crisp currency on a third world individual.

FBI

Genie

Many times folks upcountry come across oil lamps; many of these folks haven’t watched Aladdin or any of these awesome animated films that have genies in them so naturally, they don’t know how to react. Some kick them. Others rub them only twice. Latifah on the other hand, was a smart girl. After a hard day in the field tilling the land, she found an oil lamp and knew just what to do and how to do it. She rubbed the lamp so well, the genie moaned endlessly, begging her not to stop. He then offered her four wishes. She wished for world piece and ‘many money’. I have no idea what the other wishes were. As knowledgeable as I am on the matter, I wasn’t there dear reader.

Genie

Tada!! All that many money is yours

Road trade

Have you noticed how all our neighbors have better roads than us? Well it is possible that by day, Bad Black was a peaceful, sweet singing citizen with pigtails. By night however, she’d change into a black costume and export bits of our roads to neighboring nations. This explains why we have as many potholes as her dollar bills.

Maybe she worked hard. Have you stopped and thought about just how much you’d have if you worked very hard?  That ‘young’ lady is an icon; the true definition of ‘hard work pays’. When she gets out and pays me for setting the record straight, all your sniggering will stop. But my part is to look at all the possibilities; another legend has the 411…the real info. He talked to the horse’s mouth. Here’s the interview.

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