James Bond Obama – License to Kill

By • Oct 19th, 2011 • Category: Politics

The US President Barack Obama sent  “…100 “combat-equipped” troops to Uganda to help efforts against rebels of the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA), who have been accused of grievous human rights….

US Troops

Harr harr harrr...you are going down on us Kony

For those of us who live in Uganda, we know that the terror has been going on for over 20 years. You may be wondering why it took so long for anything like this to happen. Well my hours on the internet are not for nothing. I turn the net upside down to gather life-changing information for you to touch with your Android phone. Here’s how things went down.

The year is 1992. Word is spreading like crazy in Uganda that things are not good up North. The powers that be in the small banana republic feel that they should send word to the big boys with big…err…guns overseas to send some help. But in those days Uganda had no internet. So the powers that be have a meeting and they all write their requests on a small sheet of paper, put it in special hardened leather, imprint the National seal on it, and call on Muzafalu, the reigning country long distance champion. The Olympics was a week away, and Muzafalu had been in training so they figured he’d dash to the States, deliver the message, branch to Spain and be in time for the games. At the see-off ceremony, Muzafalu was handed special National running shoes, granted a sip of the national brew, given a full kiss by a top lady (with lots of tongue, eye witness accounts reveal) and sent off to do the nation proud. He set off. Everyone stood and watched till he disappeared over Kireka hill. Word has it he made it up to Mombasa and married a mermaid.


Muzafalu run into her

When 3 years later they hadn’t received a response, the powers that be tried again. Sending someone by land had failed, so they refused to try that again. They needed to send something by air. There was still no internet and airplanes in Africa were unsafe. They chose to use their trusted feathered friend, Buntu. Buntu had been used several times as a carrier pigeon, delivering employment letters, bouquets, letters firing employees, food and even a fridge on one occasion. Again, the powers that be met and wrote their requests down and handed the SOS letter to Buntu. Word has it he was mauled by lions in Tsavo, Kenya when he stopped to stretch his legs.

Fast forward 16 years, the year is 2011. The powers that be are nearly giving up. They want the help but all the previous failed attempts have left them feeling very low. They decide to try one last time, this time using water. They put a labeled drop of oil into the Nile, it flows to Egypt and a wandering American sees it. He sends the message to the big boys with big…err…guns using his BlackBerry which is working. They get the message and come very fast to our aid. We learn from this that oil does wonders.

Now go nominate your personal legend here.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/mabeljoy Joy Mabel N

    hahah, Spot on! Oil talks.