Last week I went for the movie premier of Viva Riva, the blistering hot block buster at Cineplex. This movie was hmmmm, you guy. No words. Ok, to be honest a lot of words. But first; let us see what the world has been saying about this movie.
I want to have sex with this movie!
New York Times.
Goddamn!! This movie is the shizznit! In fact, if the shizznit met another shizznit and the two decided to have fully consensual sex; this is the shizznit they would produce.
I loved the movie. But someone in the cinema had rockets
Tshilla. Ugandan Celebrity.
One of the few movies set in Africa that Africans will actually believe. A fascinating watch from beginning to end. www.urbanlegendkampala.com
An exciting movie about uh… Africa.
“So what is movie about?” Was the first question my plus one (let us call her chikadee) asked me.
“It’s abut Africa,” didn’t you hear Lil Wayne?
“Streetsider you are never serious.” She said pouting. She is a pouter.
“It’s a movie about the state of Uganda’s oil sector in the year 2015. I said eventually, succumbing.
“Really?” Her ears perked, “What happens?”
In the year 2015 Uganda runs out of oil. Of all the oil currently under Lake Albert, all that is left is about…
“First wait!” she said interrupting. A ka-finger shot up in the air and paused there.
“2015? Do you know how much crude oil is lying in the reserves currently under Lake Albert?” She said peering at me over the top of her horn rimmed glasses. “This movie is unrealistic.”
True, but according to the movie, this is what happens;
In early 2012; a resolution was made to mine all the oil at once and store it in millions of barrels somewhere deep deep in Mabira far out of sight of the average man. The average man thought this was a foolhardy endeavor but being (as he was) average; it was thought by those who considered themselves his betters that he didn’t have the right to know about or participate in the development of such a national asset. Such privy was strictly on a need-to-know basis, as it should…
Not agreeing or disagreeing; she frustrated the half question with a gracious nod.
So anyway between 2012 and 2015 the oil was quickly bartered, given away, used to fry sausage and basically put to all those uses that people usually put oil to when they have too much of it and don’t know where to put it. By the time our story starts, there are only 35 barrels left in the entire country.
So what is the story?
The story is the story of four rogue traffic policemen. Anyama Mulega, Sam Kukeesa, Hillary Otek and John Narubatiira (played by Awilo Longomba in his first major big screen role)
Anyama Mushega and Sam Kukeesa hatch a plot to steal the barrels and smuggle them onto a truck. Sleeping during the day and driving under cover of night the two flee to Anglola where Anyama, a reckless but charming devil
decides to pull a fast one on Kukeesa,
. He steals the 35 barrels and sneaks them by boat to Kinshasa where his tight badde rude bway Mwesiga Rubutana runs a smuggling outfit.
Sam Kukeesa quickly finds out. Sam Kukeesa does not like this. Kukeesa doesn’t like this one bit. He is a lean mean gangster from the old school.
…who doesn’t like being double-crossed. Being on the receiving end of such kamayiro makes his wires snap so hard that the resultant electric crackle knocks twelve crows out of the sky. Knocks them dead. Kukeesa quickly hires a bunch of ruthless goons,
and they set out hot footed to Kinshasa to hunt down Anyama, retrieve the precious oil and maybe teach him a few lessons in the process.
Now back in Kinshasa Anyama is already rubbing the wrong people the wrong way. First on the list is Hillary Otek; who through a brutal survival code has carved out for himself a small empire in the seedy word of downtown Kinshasa. What the dinghy world of nighttime Kinshasa doesn’t know however; is that the mafia gang-lord has a secret vendetta. The woman he loves secretly loves Anyama and this knowledge has made him thirsty for Anyama’s blood.
“Eh! Durammma!” exclaimed chikadee slapping her hands together then crossing her arms and placing one palm beneath her right cheek like this
“Drama indeed” I replied. By this time we had arrived at the lounge where the rest of the guests were and I had to stop. I had to stop because, well, because people don’t like spoilers. Let’s say you are about to witness, on the big screen mind you, a sprawling saga with folly, sex, lesbian sex, oil-lust, courage, blood, a-cool-as-hell-villain!!!!, death, betrayal and and all nice stuff; Wouldn’t you surely prefer that you find out on your own? I should very definitely think so.
Before long we were in the cinema, settled comfortably in the darkness to the quiet bustle of popcorn crunching and soft conversation punctuated by someone hurtling rockets at from the fourth row. Just before the screen lit up I recollected all the glowing reviews I had read on this movie. I crossed my fingers and settled back for one hell of a good time.
I was not disappointed.