Many of you have carefully considered joining a choir. You regularly sit by your radio set, listening to Steve Jean, hugging yourself and singing along word for word. This thirst for the choir-thing-in-life shouldn’t go unquenched. Here at ULK, we are in the benevolent habit of making dreams come true. And with the festive season around the corner, there’s no better time to join a choir and make a joyful noise. Let’s get you into that choir.
Eat raw eggs
These things have a high carcinoweednicotine level that is ideal for tweaking vocal chords and aligning your vocal range with that of Mariah Carey. In no time, you’ll be singing buddies with Jackie Chandiru. This tip is particularly for all the cool ladies who read ULK. If you are a guy and you run off after reading the first few lines, chances are you are now sound like Mariah. Uummm…there ought to be some freaky girls who are into that kinda thing.
Listen to Bieber
When you first play that young man’s music, your initial reaction will be to scream and pull at your hair. The screaming will have the awesome effect of permanently affecting your esophagus, turning you from a goat into a sweet soprano ready for the flowing choir robes and a position in the front-row. We all know that people only wink at choir members in the front row. FACT.
Hit the gym and continuously lift the heaviest thing in there. Depending on the gym, the heaviest thing in there could be some fancy shiny dumb bells…or the gym instructor. The strain of the lifting will put stress on your vocal chords, and they’ll contract. We all know that contracted vocal chords produce sweet melodies.