It’s the international showbiz news with your host (no homo) Lyin Seacrest bringin it to you live (no homo) and direct from the seat of my pants (homo) in Holly wood (no homo). Let’s get this started, y’all.
Rapper/trained ape Lil Wayne suffered a significant loss in album sales revenue this week due to parents of kids with L/R confusion being unable to find his CD on iTunes or on Amazon. Professor Wasswa Kidamuli lamented, “ I searched and searched but I could not find anybody called Real Wine on the internet. So I bought this Justin Beiber instead. I hope he likes it.”
But the big news in international showbiz this weekend was the face-off between two dancehall rivals. In the one corner we had the world’s greatest ever musician, the most amazing singer since Mozart invented music, and that is the magnificent Bebe Cool.
In the other we had some fellow named oba simanyi Bobi what.
Hah! Just kidding. We know his name. It’s Bobi Wine and he is also a good musician. We just wanted to kuyozayoza Bebe Cool mob due to his being dangerous and due to this writer not wanting to take chances– this writer has sensitive furniture. He doesn’t want Bebe coming to his house and jumping on our tables in retaliation to something I wrote.
So the two of them had concerts on the same weekend, which is seen as a duel in the music industry. Basically it’s world war three.
We calibrated the results through carefully monitored equipment and our scientists have come up with a final result. Who was the winner?
It was a draw, dammit. Zero Zero. That’s what was in fashion over the weekend.
In other news, Young Jeezy celebrated his birthday last weekend and was fired right after it. Due to his not being young any more.
And finally, an unremarkable thing was performed by a dull person but it was deemed worth attention because this person had once had their voice autotuned as they sang words written by another fellow over beats composed by yet another fellow. As a result of this, people were duped into thinking htis boring dimwit dullard monomaniac twit was somehow significant in their lives.
That’s your showbiz news negroes of Africa. Me I’m Lying Seacrest. Go away now.