Friends of ULK

By • Oct 11th, 2011 • Category: WTH

The askari has been asking if we can find for him a dancing pig. He wants to start teaching different animals how to sing and maybe dance. He thinks he might have a gift for that kind of thing and maybe if it works out well, he can open up a spot at Effendy’s maybe Tuesdays or Wednesday nights and make some money.
You have to respect the hustle.
So I found him one.

Here, catch! for me I have done my part.

So it seems this pig, (let us call her Olga) is now another member of the ULK gif family. We usually hire them to come onto the website and help out. But once they come by they like to stick around. It’s not uncommon to be there then a gif wanders into your inbox asking if there is any chai left in the flask or if it can borrow the sports section of the paper you were reading.
In fact let me introduce the ones who are around. I think the others went to the shops.

So this is Joshua the Apologetic Cat…


Surely, you've met Joshua?

And over here we have Prossy the Slutty Cow.

Prossy, say moo

Joshua is apologetic because he is a vegetarian. The maid at ULK bees like, “Joshua the rats!” And he bees there pleading,
“Man those rats are living things! They are warm! And breathing! That’s just gross!”
That cat is useless, he is lucky Maureen Nagasha likes him.


As for Prossy, prossy is a stripper. During the night she does kimansulo in Kansanga and during the day she roasts cassava. The other day I went to say wassup and I noticed that her spot is near a butchery.
I wonder how that makes her feel?
Of course one doesn’t ask.
But… you can’t help wondering…

Then there is Bob the Creepy Fingers. Bob is some creepy dude Sleek keeps in his office.


There is Joshua’s cousin, Psycho Tom. In better days Tom used to be Sergeant Thomas Mukungu, a Chaka-mu-chaka karate and weapons expert but he run mad about ten years ago. Too many orders combined with certain rage issues drove him mawire. He is a dangerous one Tom, liable to shoot up your whole inbox at the slightest provocation. Prossy likes him though. She thinks he is dangerous.

Oooh, look at the passion!

Finally there is Sneaky Sam the Fuzzy Outline. Sam sneaked in during the walk to walk days and he has been sneaking around ever since. It is hard to catch him, reason being he is an outline so he is just a very thin line. If you want to see him you have to make sure that you are always facing the walls so if he passes in front of you, you will see him.

Sneaky bastard

Now, these numbers keep cropping up. 4.11.11…. then 4.11.11…. over and over, I don’t know what their agenda is but I can’t seem to shake them off. They are on the website, on the walls, eh! let me just post the article, maybe they will explain themselves some other time.

Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • Jny23ug

    pyscho Tom the ma-wire; can i adopt him? 

    • Sleek

      He’s hard to feed man