Monday Massacres: The Mourning After Pill

By • Oct 10th, 2011 • Category: Monday Massacres

It is hard to write with tears in your eyes. I last cried this much when the neighbor’s cat ate my rabbits. Who does that? Which self-respecting cat leaves the milk and nkeje at home and goes and eats rabbits at the neighbors? So we took on Kenya over the weekend and the barren match meant we didn’t qualify for the Africa Cup of Nations. We gave them electricity, visas, some of our women, even alcohol and in return, all we needed was a goal. Just one. All their defender had to do was send a shot into their goal and then say “Oops! Nimefanya nini?” We’d all get it.

But then again, I’ve shared amazing soccer insights here before (click) but it seems no one listens to me. There’s a story about a Ugandan guy building a space shuttle…I think as a nation, we should put our general behind on that guy. When we finally get to space, we’ll kick alien ass…we’ll definitely beat them at soccer. Then, we’ll be Galaxy Champions. African champions ni nini? Sisi, Galaxy Champeyans!  I can already see the flashing neon lights and the grubby blue groupie hands of the 5-eyed fans… “Uganda: Soccer Kings of the Galaxy.” All you’d have to say on Mars to get laid is “I’m Ugandan” and then the 5-eyed, 3-armed blue beauty would drool and lead you to a private wing.

Aliens

Can you imagine we are Ugandans' bitches now?

That said, we at ULK have something big lined up for you in the next few weeks…you’ll forget all the heartbreak of failing to launch.  The elves are hard at work, heaving, flexing, and all will be unveiled shortly…Keep your eyes peeled. Not teary.

Liking this article is what happens to cool people