Top Ten: On this Day…

By • Oct 4th, 2011 • Category: Columns, Top 10

Today is the 4th day of the month of October. October 4 is the 277th day of the year (278th in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar. There are 88 days remaining until the end of the year.
I did research you see.
And that wasn’t the end; I went and did even more research on the great and historical things that have happened on this fine day. Then I put them through a kajejena and came up the top ten.

Why you might ask? Because dear friend, it is time for…..
Drum roll

No, go back and do it properly.
Drumrolllll,

that’s better…
Time fooor,
The top ten bestest things that have happened on this day in world history.

1- 12000 BC.: God says bannage am bored. Oba let there be light? Contrary to current rumors, he asked first. He didn’t just command, God is after all, a gentleman.

2- A Tyranosaurus Rex jerks off. The first recorded case of masturbation in un-recorded history. The fossilized stuff is dug up several millennia later and is used to make shirt buttons. You are currently wearing them.

3- 9000 BC, the first blunt is smoked. Early man bees like where has this stuff been all along? He decides to build a Tower of Babel to heaven. It seems like a good idea at the time.

4- 1795 AD – Napoleon Bonaparte first rises to national prominence with a “Whiff of Grapeshot”. His whiff is still stinking up A Level History classes to this day. Thanks a lot Napoleon. But on second though it could have been worse. It could have been the Whiff of Ass-Gas. I’d have had to do Physics.

5- 1957 AD Launch of Sputnik I, the first artificial satellite to orbit the Earth. Aliens are discovered to be real and living amongst us. Contrary to all expectations, they are not green or gray, but… maroon.

6- 2011: Gilbert Bukenya eats his first bean weevil in decades. Which is sad because he is a likeable old man.

7- An Urban Legend writes about Gilbert Bukenya eating his first bean weevil.

8- 2056: The first intergalactic porno is released, breaking all box office records in this universe and several others.

9- 2192: Apple buys the planet and using highly specialized technology, turns its shape into that of an apple as an advertising gimmick for travelling space invaders.

 

As seen by a space invader.

10- 3000: The internet becomes real life and real life becomes the internet. The Illuminati bring Jesus back and the world ends.

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