The Drinking of a Beer

By • Sep 30th, 2011 • Category: Columns, Newsworthy

A beer was drunk in Mukono this morning.
The beer was itself confused to be drunk. Kumanya it was for reeyo reeyo confused, its first question when the barman picked it from the freezer was, “Warup? Is this guy drank” the irony of the statement being of course, that it was in its beingness itself an alcoholic beverage (the tendency of which is to get people drank) and that it was about to be, you guessed it… drunk.
Following that highly dubious paragraph, in which Past Participle, Past Perfect and Past Simple tense forms of the verb “drink” have rubbed some very uncomfortable shoulders together, we now proceed with the rest of the story.
The drinking was in itself unremarkable, the barman picked it up, (eye-witnesses are still hotly contesting whether it was a Nile Special or a Red Top) and the patron of the bar, a UCU student commonly referred to as OO, swallowed it in one neat gulp.  Yes, one gulp.

Mrs Rhoda Buntuntu, a cigarette and sweet seller who happens to work near the bar was available for comment.
“Eh, I have never seen a beer swallowed like that, quickly quickly, moreever live! LIVE!  no glass, no straw, no condom, no  nothing!

That though, was still not all that remarkable,. This is UCU we are talking about. What was remarkable was the timing. It is highly irregular, even in UCU, to drink ice- cold beer at 9 in the am and more so in weather such as this. If you want know what I mean when I refer to the weather, I am talking about the fact that it is so cold right now that every girl I meet who is wearing a T-shirt looks like she has thorns for nipples.


Don’t scratch me!!

Consultations with his close friends reveal that OO was depressed. Reason being, his girl had just chucked him. So he took it out on the beer.
By press time we were yet to establish the reason for the chucking, but gossip seems to suggest that it had something to do with a carrot and (or) a TLC cassette tape.

To be honest even me I just felt like my gasts had been flabbered and my boozles had been bammed when I heard that, but what to do.

The entire ULK staff wishes to offer condolences to the family of the late beer. We also wish OO’s heart a speedy recovery.

And with that dear reader, I wish you Good Luck and Good Night.
End of broadcast.

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