Monday Massacres: Electricity- Everything You Need To Know

By • Sep 26th, 2011 • Category: Monday Massacres
Light Bulb

I gat the power!

In today’s lesson, we are going to learn how power is generated and sent to your home. This lesson has become necessary due to the current powerless situation we find ourselves in.  Straight onto the lesson:

First off, how is power generated? Well, there are two competing theories. One has it that some very small bodies called electrons are flowing around and because they are on the move, we can charge our Nokia phones.  The other theory suggests that electricity is actually produced by small elves that live inside sockets. They go to sleep when we leave home but when we get back home, they wake up and start rubbing against each other with as much purpose and vigor as they can muster.  You will notice that sometimes you get home and find that the power is dim and other days, the power is so bright, you feel the urge to put the flat iron next to the clothes so it can iron them on its own. This power fluctuation is easier to explain with the elf theory of power generation.

On days that power is low, instead of spending the day sleeping, the elves spent the day playing hide and seek and taking turns to use your headphones to listen to Bebe Cool. When you got home, they were already tired. On the other days when the power was high, the elves slept peacefully the whole day so when you got back, they were fresh and they could rub against each other very fast and hence create more electricity. I’m inclined to believe the elf theory of power generation. It makes sense.

Secondly, how does power get to our homes? Now after generation, the power-generating company makes a call to the power charmer. The pied piper of power. Some people say he wears bling. Others say he doesn’t. No one is sure. But when the power-generating company calls him up, he goes to their offices and sits down. They then hand him a glass of water and he drinks. When done, they hand him a map with all the areas that need power. He looks at the areas and withdraws a unique power flute from under his garments. He begins to blow into it and the power generated by the elves starts to head to the different places on the map.

So how is load shedding done? You might have already figured this out by now.  It is a relatively known fact that whenever power leaves your neighborhood, it has been taken back to Jinja and the power charmer is blowing a new tune to send it to another location. Different tunes send the power to different places. The charmer, because of job security, doesn’t reveal which tunes he plays when sending power to a particular place. Whenever you find people huddled by the water dispenser at work chatting excitedly and then they suddenly go quiet as soon as you show up, they are trying to guess which tune the power charmer plays to send power to their homes. Common songs mentioned in such discussions include “Sunda”, “Jangu jangu” and in some strange locations, the national anthem.

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