A man somewhere in Kampala today farted.
The fart, a smelly little bastard by the name of Winnifred, is still at large.
Police have arrested ad detained three boda boda men. “We are convinced that one of these men is the evil bastard who released this little monster upon the unsuspecting public”, declared Kira Road Police Spokesman Eriya Kamuntu Mutanyapira.
The fart according to several nose-witnesses came by complete surprise. Muchomo sellers were the first on the scene to realize something was amiss.
“There we were, and then all of a sudden the red hot coals just went dead. Cold ash. In five seconds, it was quite frightening”, admits Ntonoziyo Nfirakunyamayange though not exactly in those words.
“Some people began choking, a clear case of allergic rhinitis in the upper bronchial cavity.” Added Ntonoziyo, who considering the amount of diseased cattle and stray dog flesh he has sold the masses during the course of his short life, may very well have known what he was talking about.
An old lady who sells chewing gum and cigarettes in the negnbourhood was the first to warn the people in the immediate vicinity that that a deadly fart was coming their way.
“I could tell from the signs and symptoms ”, said Ms Henrietta Mukaddenyo evidently desirous of further pursuing the arbitrary medical textbook theme of this article.
“First there was silence, even the words in my head they kept quiet. Then after people begun choking as if they could not breathe. So me I said to myself, you old woman isn’t this like the time in 1924 when Simeoni gassed and caused a well to appear? And myself replied to me; yes it is exactly like that time when Simeoni gassed and caused a well to appear. Then I said to myself, I said eh! eh eh! But I said it in capital letters because in my mind it was not a simple thought. I said it like this EH EH EH!!. Then I shouted to people to first buy menthol orbit and then take cover.”
Unfortunately not many people heeded this warning and by the time our reporter had arrived, a certain unfortunate lady was still vomiting her duodenums, ileums, and semi-colons.
It wasn’t a pretty sight. ULK would like to advise all readers to keep their duodenums where they are. It’s much better for everyone in the long run.