Monday Massacres: Bayistic Bayimba

By • Sep 19th, 2011 • Category: Entertainment, Events, Monday Massacres

The weekend was an artsy one, with the Bayima International Festival of the Arts taking place at the National Theatre. Ok, there was also Sean Kingston but it was full. The place not the artiste.  The festival started on Friday so I sneaked in to watch one of the first acts, the Lantern Meet of Poets do their thing. I didn’t pay to enter. They either thought I was royalty…or maybe the festival was free for all. I stood in the parking lot and watched people doing artistic gymnastics for about 20 minutes before wicked whispers informed me that the poets were doing their thing in the theatre.

Issue 1: The place needed the agenda to be handed out as flyers or have it pasted everywhere on posters and the like because there was so much going on; crafts on sale, somersaults, singing, rapping…It was easy to miss out on things you like.

After being elevated by the poets, Quela was pouring out baby-making music on the center stage in the parking lot. There were these big cameras that were relaying, on screens, what was going down on stage. The cameras chose to focus on the Quela girls’ gyrating waists…and then to do that slow-motion thing that is usually reserved for when Van-Damme is screaming ‘Nooooo’ as the girl his muscular chest fell for takes a bullet to the head from a bad guy. It was real-time visual spiked chocolate. You’d stand there confused; look at the girl live on stage or watch the slow-motion version? Look at the girl…

Then while the search for Gadaffi intensifies, he is there playing drums for Quela. See for yourself. I couldn’t get closer for better shots lest his female bodyguards spring out and molest me. Way to go Quela…

I left early, the Friday gods summoned me. I’m told a lot else went down. I went back on Sunday and found Navio on stage with an orchestra. Navio then invited Benon on stage to perform with the orchestra I wrote about in the previous sentence. I’m used to seeing orchestras only in those movies with Mafioso in them. It was a fresh experience. Benon did two jams off his new album, “A new day”. It was hard to focus on the artistes, what with the orchestra people doing thing with violins and other Google-able fancy instruments.


You don’t know how much UMEME has screwed the country till the MC to an event like this shows up in tight khaki shorts, a sweater and a tie. I threw the descriptive phrases ‘aggressive-body-hugging’, ‘crotch-displaying’, ‘high-queer-factor’ in there to give a better picture of the attire but the editor removed them. And then the guy interviewed someone on stage with his back to us. Oookaay, we gerrit. And then he kept speaking like he’d rather be alone with the microphone smooching it.

There was a silent disco but the time I was there, the queue was up to heaven, and the people inside were singing the songs out loud. Hehe. You go into a silent disco and then you all decide to sing the songs out loud. Hehe. The economy has screwed us over so bad, brain cells are dying…and things like this are happening.

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