Kampala:The City Of Spin

By • Sep 14th, 2011 • Category: Featured Post, Society

Hi there. How are you? Your response will determine whether I’ll have breakfast or not. Look into your monitor and speak. You seem to be new here. Yes, you. By ‘here’ I’m referring to our nice, quaint nation. Come, let me show you around. I may need to define a few things for you. Let me give you the low-down.

Taxi conductors

These are people who love the environment so much that they dedicate their entire lives to conserving water by not wasting it on frivolous things like showering. They take this love further by carrying a bit of earth on their bodies with them everywhere they go. They also abhor the use of things that damage the ozone layer; things like deodorants and toothpaste.

Taxi Conductor
A Taxi Conductor in his free time

They live in this country.

Boda Boda riders

As their name suggests, these are people who are at the sane-insane border. Research has shown that they prefer the insane side. Because of a hearing impediment, the name had to be said twice before getting any useful response from any of them.

One has to scream “Border! Border!” before any of them will look up from their all-too important daily task of trying to jump off their moving motorcycle. They spend their days making every effort to piss off the aforementioned environment-loving taxi conductors by eating and smoking leaves. This really pisses of the taxi conductors. This is why the two parties have beef for each other.

They live in this country.

Politicians

For these people, everything is poli-tickle. They are people paid to tickle their friends. ‘Each one, tickle one’ is their motto. The more people one is able to tickle others, the more poli-tickle mileage one can gain. They spend their days saying outrageous things, making jokes on TV, physically touching others to prompt them to laugh and generally trying to get a laugh from others.

Bukenya

As the name suggests, he is a Kenyan. He is someone who lived a relatively successful life, sipping rum, eating strawberries, listening to Donna Summers…then he grew up and became a poli-tickle figure. As the field required, he did everything to get a laugh. He fondled singers, kissed them, made his eyes bigger, spoke with a stutter, wore a big-ass hat, went to shrines…he took tickling people to another level.

Gilo Bukenya

Gilo Bukenya soliciting for a laugh from a random citizen

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