Monday Massacres: Spanish-Speaking Moth Predicts The Future Of Uganda

By • Aug 15th, 2011 • Category: Monday Massacres

Over the weekend, I was minding my own business, staring intently through slightly-parted curtains to see what my neighbor was having for lunch. 1 hour 40 minutes and I still couldn’t make it out. Then a moth somehow floated onto one of the curtains and started to speak. Below are a few of the magnificent things from our future I managed to scribble down after getting over the initial shock.

Trapped in the closet

One musician in the near future will do an R. Kelly on you guys. No, he will not piss on a fellow Ugandan. Not on tape at least. The musician will sing a 5-part story about having a car, entering the car, starting the car, going to the petrol station to fuel the car, paying his loan for the car in time, having a gun, running in with the police, playing ponjo with his buddies, having intimate discussions with a lady of questionable repute and a lot of other things. Unlike Kelz, he will only do 5 parts because the bank will come for the car due to him defaulting on the loan.

Soccer

The country’s soccer team will get new boots from a very rich man with a lot of money and shades. So wealthy, he’ll wear garments made out of UGX 50,000 notes. The team will be very inspired by the new boots, and they’ll go on to win continental glory.

Soccer Uganda

Need.Boots

Ninja

The ninjas that have been in hiding all these years in Mbale will come out and demand for a district of their own. They will dance kadodi on UBC every evening  after news until they are given what they want.

Reality TV

You guys will have a reality TV show. Set in a house in Kyengera, the contestants will come from all walks of life; 2 radio personalities, 1 TV news anchor, 5 boda boda guys, 6 taxi drivers, 3 struggling musicians and a pimp. The moth said the names of all the housemates but its strong Spanish accent clouded my reception.

To ensure that no one gets to become 5th without saying anything, Taata Blaadi will give the housemates tasks that involve a lot of speaking.

This bit wasn’t from the moth: We interviewed Maurice Kiirya last week, see here: Click

Liking this article is what happens to cool people