The cold is upon us. Historical records from the meticulous meteorological department of Uganda indicate that the last time it was this cold was in 1979 when Stephen Twine Okello successfully created fog using a beat-up refrigerator and a powdery substance similar to sugar. Of course back then there was no sugar and all forms of sweetness in tea were from using mudalasini and sugarcane. The young man later got recognized for his invention, was flown to America and he sneaked off when he got there. Not much is known of his current whereabouts, though Wesley Snipes ‘wants to resemble him’. Presenting, ways to beat the cold:
- Have a scheduled office group hug at 10:13 AM, right after tea with escort. Only those who had escort should be allowed into this group hug
- Learn how to jog on the spot, lifting your knees higher with each step. Do this anytime, for 5 minute each time. In meetings, at the water dispenser, while watching a Nigerian movie, while on a date….stop, do the power pumps, get back to what you were doing
- Rub your palms together real fast. To get more out of this, www.warmerdays.com says that you should rub your palms against your chest. Rub real fast, and make some ‘ooh, aahh’ sounds and also a few clucking noises as you do this; warmth will hit you so fast, you’ll want to SMS some to a friend
- Wear gumboots
- Do a Russian. This involves carrying a mzinga of Vodka around and taking swigs from it whenever someone says the phrase ‘no bling bling no love’. All leading research firms say that you need to finish the bottle by day’s end to get proper results. Naturally, exceptions need to be made for those with the accent thing going on. So ‘no bring bring no rav’ also passes.
- Eat chili
- Maintain eye contact with members of the opposite sex. Eyeball to eyeball. You’ll get a warm fuzzy feeling inside