12 Steps To Success: How To Maintain Hygiene In The Workplace

By • Jul 25th, 2011 • Category: Columns, How To: The Step-By-Step Guide, WTH

Today we are going to talk about How To Maintain Hygiene In The Workplace, because to his is avery important issue, especially in a developing country like ours. This is the Urban Legend 12 Step Guide to Success in Absolutely Anything and it’s going to teach you how to do this. So pay attention.



That us at ours we have. You at your do you have.


  1. Water Coolers. Some of us have seductively modern machines with large bottles of mineral water in them making “gloub” sounds loudly  in the corners of our offices. The is a great temptation to drink water from this magnificent machine and thus prove that you are a high-tech Ugandan not like this riff-raff who probably still have a nayikonto at their home. This is your  first mistake.
  2. Because mineral water from these machines does not stay in the body. It circulates through the system and, in an average of 2h 34.6min per glass (ref:United Nations International Water Survey 2010) you will need to remove it. This is why most workplace hygiene efforts are focused on getting this water out of your knickers/boxers and into a hole in the wall.
  3. There is no office building in Uganda that has enough toilets to handle all the traffic. There are always too many people to guarantee that every single time you head for the loo you will find a stall available. There is always a chance, especially if you keep chugging at the free mineral water as if you have never seen such and are probably from Namilyango where local chaps come from, that you will, at some point in the course of the day, rush to the loo, only to find all the stalls closed.
  4. When this happens you will look around frantically for an alternative. One thought thought will occur to you. It will seem like a good  idea at the time.
  5. But I don’t think you should do it. Because, first of all, if you are a woman, entering the men’s loos constitutes an act of sexual assault and you can be held culpable for anything from rape to felony impregnation according to the penal code of the Republic of Uganda (Ref: State Vs Nalukenge 1971).
  6. If you are a man, rushing into the women’s loos is not allowed unless you have been invited there for sex.
  7. Sex in the women’s loos is referred to mostly as a “tryst” and is awesome.
  8. No. No. Not the window. Definitely not the window.
  9. No, they will not think it is raining. We all know what rain smells like and what rain doesn’t smell like.
  10. Well, unless you work on the second floor of a building on Nakasero Road where everything smells of piss.
  11. Otherwise you will need a place to pee. Now, some of our readers are still in university, or are retired, or are engaged in private business etc. These readers have not related so far because they are used to just peeing in bushes or,  if Kampala International University finally got latrines, then in the latrines. They will not understand some of the issues we are talking about here, but in the corporate world there is always that one person, that ONE PERSON who just gets on your very last nerve every single day and every day you leave that place knowing that it is only Grace, the Grace of the Almightly that gave you strength to not commit a homicide.
  12. This workmate usually has a mug which they use for their tea…


Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=590923062 Ohabwa Moses

    Bazanye… whoever is beefing with u @ work gotts it coming his way….