candle

When darkness falls

By • Jul 6th, 2011 • Category: In The News, WTH

Remember the dark ages? Sure you do, that was way back… a time when kids actually wanted to stay in school longer because, damn it, there was some light and you didn’t want to go back home to a dark house.

 

Welcome to another episode of UG cribs

History, it would appear, has repeated itself.

I received a text that informed me that there would have to be some form of emergency load shedding. As if that wasn’t retarded enough, the genius that sent this little ditty felt the need to test the boundaries of General Paper. Seriously, why would you feel the need to tell me that there will be load-shedding from 6am-6pm and from 6pm-6am?

Over here, you can see my room

 

If you’re going to send texts that will snuggle up with Warid’s constant reminder that I am running out of airtime in a bid to send my phone’s battery to its maker. Have the decency to treat me as a person that understands that there are 24hrs in a day. Or, if I may be missing something, maybe your text should read,

“Sometimes it will be from 6am-6pm. Other times maybe 6pm-6am”

Now I find myself scratching my head looking for the magical 25th hour in between your little tightly shut window of opportunity during which I can boil water, recharge my “now in the terminal throes of near death” phone’s battery, watch some telly, type out stuff like this and perhaps more importantly, chill my beer!

This is where I keep my beer

I can’t bring myself to say anything positive about what we are going to be put through. I’m not going to subscribe to the notion that people are forced to procreate just because there is no electricity. How the heck do you think that’s supposed to play out?

She: HEY!

He: Oops. I didn’t see it there….

Seriously, its swing and miss with this stuff. If you don’t believe me take a poll. I dare you. Just move from spot to spot hitting on people and trying to seal the deal with, “hey baby, I have no power at home…”

Someone somewhere may theorize that we will save more money because of this dark-o-calypse.  Sorry genius, that’s not how this works. See, you will want to avoid the house for as long as humanly possible. If you’re reading this stuff, you probably have more sense than to wile away the hours by pointing at cars with a friend and giggling like idiots as you say, “that one is mine…”

This is where I come to think

So quite naturally, you will move… far far away. Given that you probably won’t do this by foot, it will cost you… on the flip side, if you do decide to move by foot, you will sweat and it will cost you… or you will be so flippin thirsty you will take copious amounts of fluid as to suggest that you are on some odd mission to irrigate the sahara and you’re using your mouth for a feasibility study… either way, it will cost you.

This is where it goes down

The years have certainly flown by, but now I find that the inner child is trying to send messages to my brain, saying life is better in the office because there is electricity and the internet.

Sod that, you evil little wretch, being in the office is NEVER a good idea.

Something you will no doubt discover when you grow up.

 

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About Ivan

doesn't get why you feel compelled to force an accent when you're talking to summers