Upgrading Parliament: Because Being Dense Is Not A Talent

By • Jul 3rd, 2011 • Category: Politics

Our parliamentarians did something stupid recently, then requisitioned for funds from the government to buy strippers and throw a party. Why? Because their stupid act had gone unnoticed by ULK. Well MPs, you can now stop stalking Mutebile. We noticed.

By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the MPs asking government to increase their salaries before they even make a month in parliament. They ignored more pressing matters and started with selfish demands.

It’s coz of such an awfully dense parliament that worldwide oil prices have gone high just so they can forget their problems. It’s coz of such a dense parliament that the letters ‘M’ and ‘P’ applied to be reassigned to Menstrual Period just so they could be bloody respected at least once a month. It’s coz of such a dense parliament that…(Ed: if you find any other random bad thing to blame on the absurdity of our parliament, please feel free to donate.)

9th parliament, I got concerned about your lack of common sense and decided to propose ways to discuss real issues the next time you guys meet. You’re welcome.

Presenting ways to upgrade your thinking process:

Honourable Upgrade #1: Singing

Let’s pick a leaf from Jamaica. In Jamaica, people talk like they are constantly in studio. But when someone speaks the same way here, they are automatically labeled “ragga artiste”, given a microphone and sent to a random hangout to start a fight and also sing part time. But in Jamaica, patois is normal talk. So from the moment you get onto the island to when you leave, people are singing to you. Not talking. Which keeps you entertained.

Picture an average 40-year old father telling his teenage son at the breakfast table to please pass the sugar over to his sister. Except he doesn’t say it. He dancehalls it:

Bway, walipa reach pan di table gwan pass dem sugar fi di gyal dem mi a say booyaka booyaka.

With or without a beat, every citizen Beeniemans their words and that’s why their parliament never sleeps. They be Sean Pauling every lawmaking gathering. We can be like them.


  • Fellow Ugandan MP, has today’s session started yet?
  • No, other fellow Ugandan MP. All the right honourable musicians of parliament haven’t assembled yet. Even Ragga Kadaga is still in toilet. Is your verse ready?
  • Yes. Me mine is about increasing salos.
  • Come on! Almost all the world has sung about money. It’s now boring. Let’s sing about real issues affecting this country.


And we all lived happily ever after.

Honourable Upgrade #2: Facebooking

Social networks have a way of exposing you to useful information and making you realize just how dimwitted you’ve been all along.

Honourable Upgrade #3: Big heads

Or we could just start voting for MPs with bigger heads. That way, we have some extra space to deposit real issues into their %*! # M7&?@ heads like how to combat the escalating loss of the shilling’s value against the dollar.


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