Monday Massacres: Hot Off The Press

By • Jun 26th, 2011 • Category: Monday Massacres

For those of you who missed the news over the weekend, you are mad at yourself. There you are kicking yourself, wailing, promising not to eat, plucking hair from your arm. This must stop forthwith. Forthwith, stop must this. I present some of the hot news stories that went down over the weekend, while you were singing Marc Anthony songs to the hens to get them to lay extra eggs.

From a leading daily:

Only Museveni can shag me- Kazibwe

My guess is they were going for

Only Museveni can sack me- Kazibwe

But I’ve never been too good at guessing. I didn’t get to read the whole story so we’ll leave it at that.

From another newspaper:

District leaders shun offices over witchcraft


That one was accompanied by this picture:


Hen Battles

The hen is mine

From the look of things, there is a power struggle going on here. Battle de los Chicken. The women to the right insist that the chicken is theirs. They are probably humming ‘The boy is mine-Brandy and Monica’. But of course in this case they’d be humming ‘The hen is mine’. We can’t see this in the picture because we still live in the stone-age where pictures do not have sound.

So, the guys to the left are insisting that the chicken is theirs and that it doesn’t belong to the women. They are from an age where women did not eat let alone own chicken.

Guys: (deep, gruff voices, in unison) Leave the chicken. It is ours!

Girls, ok, Women: (shrill voices) Nooooo! It is not yours, it is ours!

The women then pull out a knife to cut the hen in half so they can run off with a bit of it.

Cameraman: (snap)

The guy in a black jacket, the one holding a hen, that guy is an innocent bystander who saw the fracas and came to offer his hen.

Guy in black jacket: Guys, Girls, let’s be friendly about this. Let’s not fight. Here, take my chicken instead

And the last story I’ll feature here is also from another daily:

Sebaggala kicked out of KCCA house


Sebaggala booted

That's wasap

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