Go Further: Irrelevant Ugandans Who Sillyly Cling Onto Fame | Part II

By • Jun 20th, 2011 • Category: Entertainment

How are you doing, folks? How was your weekend? I’m just messing with you. I don’t really care about your life. Ok, moving on.

Last week I published my Ugandan entertainment industry shitlist of people who are still desperately clinging onto fame in vain, which annoyed many entertainers. They asked why they hadn’t been included on the list. Who am I to deny them the privilege? Presenting the second list. Check if you appear.

General Mega Dee

His music made a lot more sense when he partnered with Menton Kronno. One of their most successful songs was the one where they told us they would spend their time on earth drinking beer because it wasn’t there in heaven.

When they split up, they established solo careers but after a short time Kronno decided to give up and continue with his pledge of drinking beer. And this is where Mega Dee messed up. He took his drunk ass to studio and decided to produce drunk songs only.

The only thing that has pushed him on is his very enthusiastic fan base: the empty plastic chairs at his shows. He always has more excited empty chairs than humans. But then that’s what we call true success; when your fans extend beyond living things.

Rabadaba

This time I blame the public for this guy’s downfall. He released a song telling you guys that he was a badass mukyamukyamukyamu but instead of taking him seriously and giving his message the respect it deserved, you just started jumping and cheering whenever the song played.

How would you feel if every time you threatened someone they just started dancing and cheering you to threaten them some more? So he had to stab Rasta Thaddeusto drive the point home. Rabadass, we the humble members of the public think that your message has been received quite clearly. You can go home now.

Seriously though, this guy’s style has become monotonous. People now only dance to his music by accident. Like when a hot GNL jam is pumping through the speakers then the DJ suddenly slides in Rabadaba and you end up dancing to the first two seconds before realising it’s that boring stabber singing and you stop and apologise to the guy you’re standing next to.

Red Banton

You know you need to quit when your biggest seller is a TV station ad. I’m sure if this guy was told that he is a musician it would take him some time to believe. He is one of the few musicians without portfolio.

Red Banton poses with musicians

His career took a dramatic turn about two years ago when he was evicted from his house. Since then he has switched from professional WBS advert singer to professional evictee. Now all he does is get evicted with his red plates and red spoons.

When he’s not being evicted he is in studio with real artistes begging them to feature him on their songs. “Your song is too awesome,” he pleads. “In fact the awesomeness is too much that it could kill someone but am sure we can do something about that if you add me somewhere there.”

Zuena

After releasing her latest track ‘Owa Boda’ you’d think that maybe the bodaboda fraternity would have some pity and give her support. But when it plays, they just jeer themselves and reduce fares drastically just to get any excuse to ride away from that place. Some even go as far as calling their parents to ask why they were born.

She even cried at the Bend Over show in Kiwatule on Easter coz she was booed off stage. White knight Bebe was there to give her a cool crying shoulder backstage and told her that’s just how things are in the music industry but he missed one piece of advice for his wife.

Bebe, sure we like her (as God told us to like our good looking neighbours) but music itself doesn’t like her. Whenever she enters studio, music goes out for lunch. So you see that what she eventually puts on CD is something else. We are not yet sure what it is exactly but I assure you we’ve put our best team of scientists on it.

Bobi Wine

No, first put down that stone and hear me out.

Yes, I know he has done a very good job and is now one of the richest and most respected musicians in the country. I know that and I respect him too. But his creativity has waned, which would be okay if he didn’t go turning his frustration on other artistes.

Now it looks like in order for him to sell he must diss Bebe Cool. Again it would be okay if Bebe actually dissed back in equal proportion. But because Bebe doesn’t do as much weed, his dissing proficiency is limited to young statements like “Your nose looks like a potato you stupid gu-boy!”

Bobi’s disses, on the other hand, are vastly ganja-motivated and more internationally acclaimed. Like Baz says, when Bobi Wine jeers, someone somewhere gets a headache. Bobi, if you feel you must fight with Bebe to sell your CDs, at least share some of the weed with him.

 

Liking this article is what happens to cool people

  • http://www.facebook.com/charmingfiona Charming Fiona

    I’ve died.