OLD NEWS: In Good Health

By • Jun 14th, 2011 • Category: Columns, Old News

Health Ministry Loses Sh600m Meant For Drugs
By Leading Daily

SETTING: Dilapidated office. The Minister of Health sits in a large armchair. He is having a quick lunch of fingernails and saliva. Enter office minion.

Minion: you wanted me?

Health Minister: (nervously) did you find the 600 million?

Minion: Boss, I checked everywhere, under the couch, behind the plastic potted plants, inside the tea-girls bra, everywhere!

Health Minister: yeah… about the tea- girls bra, I had already checked. Whew! So now what! Check the baby, maybe the baby ate it.

Minion: Impossible! By then the tea-girls had already eaten the baby…

Health Minister: (jaw dropping in shock) WHAT-IN-THE…

Minion: (Apologetically) Zombieland was showing, and they were kind of hungry. (Confidentially) and anyway Boss, sumbis are now 600 at the kiosk.

Health Minister: (sighing) what to do. It can’t be helped. So now, this money was for yellow fever vaccination. People may get yellow fever. What do we do when all of a sudden; Kitgum is littered with yellow people looking…

Minion: (cutting in seamlessly)…like badly fried grasshoppers.

Health Minister: Nice one! Damn! You have to fist bump that one. You just have to.

Minion: (modestly) thank you.

(They fist bump)

Health Minister: We still have this problem, though what if we…

Minion: (excited) Call MTN! Those guys are always into those yellow yellow things.

Health Minister: (also excited) So true. Atte those guys are homeboys; those boys can hook a government up. Yes sireee!

Minion: Wabula we are sorted! Oba what will those boys do?

Health Minister: Who knows, those boys are creative!! Have you seen the Mobile Money commercial? Brilliant! Who would have thought of that?

Minion: to be honest, I might have thought of that… or something like that.

Health Minister: Hmmm, we might need a backup.

(Thoughtful pause)

Minion: I am still curious, where did the money go? Because I didn’t take it, did you take it?

Health Minister: Waaa.

Health Minister: Kale we are here but the money might show up somewhere so innocent.

Minion: like at UBC

Health Minister: or in the presidential jet.

Minion: Come on, thats old news by now.

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