Why It’s Okay For You To Commit Suicide And Stay Dead

By • Jun 1st, 2011 • Category: In The News, Society

So I’m back in action. But if you really must know why I was gone, I had gone to do something. There. You just uncovered my entire private life you nosy bastard.

A friend warned me that coming back to real life wasn’t such a good idea right now. And I soon discovered why he had said that. Presenting the top five reasons:

1.

Seya ‘Behind’ Sebaggalagangsta is a minister of being there there

I say:

Whoever appointed this man is an idiot. No offence to the idiot community.

 

Ayamu now a minister without photolio...without polio...manya fort portal

2.

Sharon O was busted for illegal possession of dumbness and other intellectual narcotics in the BBA house

I say:

The protective fluid around her medulla oblongata was used as body lotion to moisturize her skin, legs, face and hips. So technically, she still has her brains. Just not in the head. It’s okay Sharon. We still love you.

 

3.

The Uganda Cranes are planning to use a ball to derail social and political relations with our African brothers from Bissau

I say:

The official ULK message to The Cranes is please let the Bissau-ans…Bisawo?…Bissandans?…those ones…let them score-ko. Since they will also have their own goal post, let them score themselves at least. If they can’t, please help  them. That’s the true spirit of brotherhood. We go we go!

 

4.

Al-Shabaab feels like bombing opposition

I say:

It’s totally understandable. Government is Al-Shabaab’s enemy and government is opposition’s enemy. But Al-Shabaab doesn’t like sharing enemies. They get very jealous and want an exclusive relationship. Opposition should find their own enemy.

 

5.

It is illegal to import cars that can honk at 5pm

I say:

Does anyone know any mechanic who can install a honk governor for me so that between 5pm and 6pm, I just be shouting and throwing stones at other road users to get out of the way instead of making noise for them?

 

Lala chini! You should have left the steering wheel at home!

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