The Cost Of Cheating On Your Girl

By • May 20th, 2011 • Category: Suburbans

Mountains formed because he punched the soil for looking dirty and it got a boil. Oceans formed because he kicked a drop of rain for touching his tuxedo and it started crying.The sky formed because he spat on a cloud for being there just instead of finding employment and it got a rash. From the badness division of the English alphabet, we bring you this week’s ninth suburban legend…

Njuki Emmanuel


If you ever meet a girl who checks out your girl more than she does you, RUN. She is dangerous. Remember the girls your mother warned you about? She’s group leader! Run, mate.

Because I am assuming no girls are reading this, I will be honest with you guys. This is dude stuff.

I wonder why a chick would check out another chick, especially after meeting her man. Studying competition perhaps? Like if she has a broken tooth, over aged wig or maybe knock-kneed legs? So she can strike with full knowledge of competition’s weaknesses?

Deo, I am going to tell on you but just as an example. I won’t say your name. We are good. right? So guys, now that we have Deo’s consent, I will take you right where it happened.

Clears throat

We go for this friend’s kasiki just to show face. Only my friend Deo didn’t just show face. He was smooth on the dance floor, and the ladies noticed. That put me in a tight situation too. You see, Deo’s official squeeze, Dorah, was around and she is this no-nonsense girl who you don’t want to cross.

Every now and then, she would give me this chilling look like I am the reason her guy is that engaged.

As luck would have it, someone had let it slip to the adoring belles that main mama was in the house.

I am quite excited when one of Deo’s fans heads my way. Oh, so it rubs off? Huh!, I am thinking. Hanging with the cool guy. Only, I was about to be used.

“Is that her, Emma?” she asks

“Her who?”

“Deo’s chick, silly.”

“…and you are?”

“Sorry. I am Lynette. We met some time during the meetings”. Okay, so someone knows me. Feels nice.

“Is she the one or not?” My thought process was interrupted.

“Yeah…but why do you …?” Before I could complete the question, Lynette disappeared into the dancing crowd.

Unfortunately for my friend, main girl Dorah could not handle all the female attention the dude was getting and she left in a huff. Problem is, dude Deo had the only key.

Fast forward to 4.39am. Deo calls.

Ring ring. Ring ring.

Me: (In sleepy and drunk voice) Hello?

Deo: Man, I cant believe this!

Me: So you are calling me at this hour to share your amazement for something? You know what, I think it can wait till morning. Good ni…….”

Deo: Man, you don’t understand. It’s Lynette. Omanyi she came back home with me. She must have heard my phone ringing before I did because she woke me up….”

Me: Alright man. Thanks for the update. Let me get some sleep.”

Deo:(Hushed sneezing) She slapped me, Emma! I was so shocked I just felt tears flowing down my face!

Me: Are you sure you are not confusing Lynette with Dorah?

Deo: No. I wish it were Dorah. She called me the time Lynette woke me up and I went out to answer the phone. But even before I could say anything sensible on the phone, she slapped me so hard my ear feels too swollen for my head. And you know what made me cry the most? I only met her for the first time at the Kasiki!


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