The Uneven are a rock band that performed last night at the Roog. I stood outside and stared at the neon sign and tried to discern the individual letters in a bid to rectify this crippling disability of mine to spell it correctly, but because of the way the thing is designed, my best option was to just stop haharing and enter.
There were two things I was to discover on entry: By 8:30pm they meant 10:08pm. And by “free entrance” they meant you had to pay five K to get in.
But I am a posh corporate gangsta. Five K does not stop me going places. So I merely arrived and began to wait for them.
At Ten-oh-eight, they finally appeared. I don’t know their real names, and there is no time to do the journalism it takes to find out, so I made up names that I thought sounded appropriately rockish. On the lead guitar we had Joe “the Hoodieman” Opio. On acoustic guitar we had Big Black Araali. The drummer was Skinny Steve Tazanyanga and on bass was Roger “Nonchalant Roger” Something like Mugisha. They opened their set by playing a very bass-booming version of Clocks by coldplay.
Hey. They started an hour and a half late. By playing Clocks. Heh.
But though the show started late, the show started. The lead singer, who I shall call Irene, (because she’s not Rachel and I don’t think it is kind to make fun of a person for having such a large hairpiece) sang competently within her range, but with the band going through Snow Patrol, that one Joan Osborne song that people know, Amy Winehouse, Train and those ones, we kind of had to overlook her and focus on the band itself to really get just what was going on. I’m sure she had the best of intentions, as she strutted un-charismatically across the stage from port to starboard and back, but it just wasn’t, well, you know. It was the band that was rocking. You know?
When you focused on the band you could quite enjoy the music. The Uneven first came to fame when Touch FM played a no-vocals song of theirs, to great acclaim. The internets were full of excitement. At this show, they proved themselves to be that good. I think that if they just sat down and jammed they could really rip things up.
What really impressed me about the band? When they did Show Me Heaven, by The Nineties. And it rocked. Let me tell you about my traumatic childhood experience with this song.
Nga when I was in school the big boys (I hope you bastards are reading this) decided to make me squeeze a pillow to this song. I was just a little goodytwoshoes trying to get to my dorm, but here they were forcing me to slowdance with a pillow. Taunting and teasing me, telling me to grab her ass, to nibble on her ear, to fondle her boob. To this day I don’t slowdance. Without grabbing her ass. I swear it’s like a reflex, I can’t help it. Anyway, didn’t Uneven drag this M.O.R. Top-40 Adult-Contemporary Oldies Quiet Storm song and make it thunder? Thunder with Nonchalant’s heavy bass, and Tazanyanga’s drums like bullets. It was nice. I wish I could have heard Hoodieman’s solo properly to see it’s full glory.
Now, me that’s what I thought. If they either fire Irene or give her some unhappiness so she finds some real soul within her that she can channel on stage, I believe The Uneven can become worth more than five K and a couple of hours doing covers. But that’s me. Let us see what my colleague has to stay.
Streetsider? Did you see Uneven? First tell the people.
I saw the Uneven you guy, i saw Uneven, woooo bass guitar demon in attendance. You called him Nonchalant Roger? i call him The Whiplash Don, doo do doo doom doo roo rooo, lightning fingers, God save the poor bu groupies who are on the receiving end of those fingers backstage.
Ernest has covered most of it, he was paying attention. I was in and out, plus I was… how you say? Distracted most of the time. If you have been asking if the beautiful ones are yet born, they are, a good number of them hang out at Rogue when Uneven is playing. But yes, I can’t add much to that, I liked the show, it was would have definitely been worth the five K I was not supposed to pay; if, (i say this with rancour and busungu) IF the band had played a longer. They perfomed for something like an hour and then it was back to normal programming.